And here I thought that Gracie was the perfect car for me....
You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud,
and dramatic,you want people to notice you, and then
get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.
Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.
A certain someone who sends flirty text messages, just so happened to be in the very same state that I so reside in yesterday and just so happened to drive waaaay out of his way just to hang out with me, JMo and Shauna B last night.
I might have admitted to this certain someone that he made my very stressed out, jacked up day end pretty nicely.
I might have also admitted to this certain someone that I might totally have a crush on him, totally 5th grade style.
Life is good.
Yep, it is about that time again to start being stalked by a clueless boy who calls too much. After all, it has been several months since the last one. The new BF that I don't want to be my BF has called now 3 times since Thursday. I am yet to: a) pick up the phone because he calls at weird hours and b) am yet to return his call because I am a busy gal.
Don't get me wrong, he legitimately is a nice guy and I would love to be friends with him but I am pretty sure he wants me to have his babies. That might make our friendship a little strained.
On the brighter side of things, a certain someone who I don't mind calling, has been calling and has also been playing the game of flirty texts with me. Good stuff, keep it coming.
This is my new baby, Gracie. For those of you not so much in the know, my darling and steadfast gal since 2000, Ava and I totally had to break up because she was acting all crazy like.
My official membership card to the LP Trix Society came in the mail today too. An induction ceremony in Chicago is soon to follow. All is good.
Corruption Chicago style. JMo's hem line gets attacked by Sugar. And then we sassed up her hair and made her wear fishnets. Kinda girl band reminiscent (miss you W!)
Some weekends just become legendary. This weekend happened to be one of those such weekends. Much as Sugar put it, the blame can be placed on several factors:
1) It was Kari's birthday weekend. Her parties are legendary and typically lead to hang-overs of death. Her last party that I attended ended around 10am if that explains anything.
2) I hadn't been on a mini road trip in FOREVER. Chaos was bound to happen when you let me loose in a city that actually has dance clubs.
3) JMo and I stayed with Sugar and Sneako in "The Condo" a little get away that over looks the city and always has a bowl of ciggies and a bowl of chocolate. My kind of place.
4) Everyone that crashed at The Condo post afterbar bash was a Scorpio except for JMo. There was going to be several fantastic and dramatic instances that would make the ladies of Dynasty proud such as: a blow out fight, stolen kisses on the patio, dancing on couches, more vodka redbulls, a guest parading around in his Tighty Whiteys, records being played into the wee hours of the morning, a short lived plan to go swimming at 4am, and no sleep ever happening.
This was one for the record books. Sug, wanna do it again next weekend??
While it just might appear that I have been lazy, as the blog has been very much neglected the last few weeks, such blasphemy isn't true! I have been busy (ok, when do I not use that excuse?), plus blogger has been sucking ass lately and not so much letting me post when I getting the rare inkling to do such. Bad timing, such is the vast majority of life! Anyway please enjoy the pictorial of devious behavior that the Madison Crew has been up to!
1) During the 2006 Valentine's Day adventure, all hell broke loose at a dive bar:
2) We celebrated Shauna B's birthday for like 3 days, including when I made restaurant employees sing Happy Birthday to the lovely "birthday" girl:
3) I am pretty sure that we found world's first crack pipe made out of Hoola-Hoop parts while taking a walk on the Lakeshore Path (please note the hot pink duct taped pipe next the huffed cans of Cooking spray and the bong that was carved out of a log which our little Vanna is pointing to). We are also pretty sure it was covered in filthy Hep C, or so that is the medical conclusion us lay ladies came up with.
4) Alicia came to play. We decided to make Abe our playground.
5) My pretty bedazzled cell phone died. I am not going to lie, I cried a little bit. I am still kinda in mourning. I don't want to talk about it.
6) Power Triplets Unite! Go Go Gadget...oh wait, wrong cartoon. Yes it is true, Shauna, Jenny and I are triplets. We have 3 different fathers. Don't ask about it, it is very complicated. Power Triplets must wear identical North Face Puffies, sport the same green glow power ring and brand themselves with shamrock tattoo on the cheek (face cheek, jerky). Ok, or it just might have been St. Patty's Day we were being stooopid.
7) I cannot tell you exactly what mischievous thing I did just prior to this picture being taken on St. Patty's because I don't want to die, but I will tell you that it caused a girl to give me the laser death glare for the rest of the evening. Trouble, pure trouble.
8) And lastly, my fave: Shauna B is all smiles after she met her soul mate (ahem, Sarah and I would like credit for pushing your chicken ass literally on top of him...). While it is obvious Katie's looks can kill (Not sure if her missles were pointed at the girl giving me the death stare or the woman wearing the fanny pack. Also not sure which one was worse).
It is bad enough that the AM and my baby brother share the same name, but it is weirding me out that this week as the AM is getting over a cold, they temporarily have very similar voices.
Last night's date went well, still haven't found anything MAJORLY wrong with him. This is also weirding me out. I am going to go out on a limb here, but perhaps he actually is a normal decent guy. Who knew such a creature existed, esp with my dating history?!?
I went my second date with The Alpha Male. It went well. He is smart and nice, a combination I haven't seen in a while. There will be a date number 3.
Now I am not saying that I am running off to Vegas with this one (because that act of irrationality is reserved for someone else), but I am saying that Guinness should be alerted as I haven't found anything severely wrong with this one yet, a new world record.
Cupid is an evil and twisted little man. I am telling you this guy has it out for me. Instead of injecting me arrows of looooove, the fat little bastard has injected me with some virus that has made me lose my voice, liken my throat to sandpaper, and cough up a lung.
Additional proof that Cupid hates me: Valentine's 1999 in the middle of a romantic dinner my throat started hurting. By 9pm I had full blown Bronchitis. Case closed.
Needless to say I am miserable today, but only because I am sick and cannot be out and about socializing as I had planned.
EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I realize that today is no longer Valentine's Day...Blogger was broken just like I was yesterday...more proof that Cupid is the devil.
I am addicted to several things:
Sug Free RBs;
DCs;
Junky reality TV;
Any form of sour candy;
Taking incriminating photos of my beloveds only to show up on the blog;
My bedazzled cell phone (ok, actually anything bedazzled); and
My pink I-pod;
On Friday I was without the later two of these precious items and I went a little crazy. It felt like my world was upside down. Seriously.
Friday was Day One without the pod. It is currently being seviced and will take apprx 3 weeks to fix, as it had to be shipped off. The past 13 months of owning my Mini has been heaven on earth. I would listen to it everyday without fail for several hours. If I could, I would have it permanently implanted in me (wait, you can do that now..). So, as you can see, not having my Mini is throwing me through a (pathetic) loop. It had me so off balanced that I left my cell phone at home on Friday on accident. I nearly freaked out when I walked into work without my other permanent accessory, the bedazzled cell. I didn't know what to do with myself. This is seriously disturbing, I know.
To make myself feel better and to prepare for my Mini's return I have been editing my I-tunes. I will be ready for her safe return and ready with fresh new music.
Laugh if you want about my silly obsessions, but secretly I know several of you out there have admitted the same to me.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce the engagement of Miss Shauna B to Mr. Dave.
Ok, not really. I think they would kill each other if that ever happened. I am just convinced that this pic looks like newspaper announcement for an engagement. Good times.
You will not believe the topic of convo at dinner tonight. I question how do I get myself into these situations. Let me explain....
While dining with several ladies, being the entertainer that I am, it was requested that I tell a dating horror story. Seeing as I have what will one day be a voluminous work of non-fiction, I was happy to oblige. I started with the most recent of victims, as you know a humorous situation. As I narrated the social atrocity of his psychoses, it was quickly realized that the Mitten Sniffer had also gone on a date with one of the girls whom I was dining with. Soon thereafter it was discovered that the email asking "am I good looking enough for you, because I want to meet your standards" was not an original email, but a form email that he sent after every first date that he goes on. WTF? Granted I did think it was a bit weird. And yes I did laugh out loud when I read it. But in all seriousness, who does that and then send it as well to another girl. What a head case.
Needless to say, she and I laughed so hard at the situation that surrounding tables began to look at us strangely. Never a dull moment in my life...
ATTACK! Poor Andy's shirt, it got tore up by Shauna B.
What have I been doing the last week? A short quiz:
1) Got into an ice fight at the KK (which I didn't start, and no it wasn't my idea to go there either);
2) Almost licked the face of a guy with Bill Gates like qualities (sans the cash I am pretty sure) because of a new theory that everyone needs at least one good face licking in a lifetime (and trust me, I would have been his only one...I was trying to do a good deed here);
3) Witnessed Shauna attacking and ripping Andy's shirt at a bar, see above;
4) Played pool twice and didn't suck too terribly at it;
5) Dealt with drama so ridiculous that I cannot talk about it;
6) I would say that I owe Andy my first born child to be his personal servant because that is supposed to convey how eternally grateful I am to him, however I am pretty sure that would freak him out, so instead I owe him dinner for putting together my new desk and new entertainment center in a marathon 6 hour ordeal on Thursday. I heart you, Andy.
7) Attended a party in Milwaukee with HK and ex-BF Richard;
8) Went shopping and have a tentative dinner pseudo-date planned with ex-BF Richard (I swear we are just friends, so stop asking if we are getting back together); and
9) Have been a bad friend because I haven't been returning phone calls because I am exhausted after a typical day of work, gym, and then some form of a meeting to attend. I love you all, I am sorry that I suck. After next week I will slate "being a decent human being" on my list of important things to do.
Answer: Oh crap, I think I made it obvious I did all these things in the last week. I will still give everyone who emailed me their answers a gold star and smiley face though.
WTF is going on today in Madison? Disturbing to say the least.
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On a brighter note, for the first time pretty much EVER my kitchen sink is void of any dirty dishes. Yes, it is true, there is not one single dirty fork, plate, cup or what have you, in my sink.
Amazing I know...
Ask anyone who has ever lived with me or has come to visit me and has been told to stay clear of the closed off kitchen, this really is a miracle. I might even take a pic.
It wouldn't be right to start the New Year without a good face licking:
Though, I could have done without the scary looking fish and chips (seriously did they just drop it into the fryer skin and all? I am perplexed.):
Once again, thank god for vodka RB...this time for more than just the normal energy deprived reason:
Recently Katie and Eric hosted a party. It got a little out of hand. Please view pics, they really don't need too much explanation as to why: a) ugly Christmas sweaters can be cool if it is a themed party, b) we were all terribly hung over the next day and c) mash potato fights, strawberries smeared on the wall and spilled Cosmos on the floor can lead to a hefty clean-up the next day.
If you could read the sign it would say "Keep the Christ in Christmas." It was "found" on the way to the bar.
This is Junior. He feel asleep at the bar. It was a looong day of drinking. 12 hours to be exact.
Normal people would use cutlery while dining on
Thanksgiving-esque food. Apparently our crowd wasn't the normal type. Utensils used instead of actual silverware included: a) hands (with lots of licking of other's fingers), b) a drumstick, c) a hammer, and d) a candy cane.
I know, I know. I have been a bad girl. I haven't posted in like 8 million years. Half of you have given up on me. Despair not my friends, I am back...at least for today to give you the recap of the ridiculousness that is my life.
Mitten Sniffer/Pretty Boy updates:
-Mittens secured from Mitten Sniffer over cocktails
-Pretty Boy's hair bigger than infamous Deb 'do, Elle suspects gelled spikes add 2 inches to petite frame
-Discussion re: While honesty is good, Crazy marriage talk = BAD
-Ex-model needs constant ego-boost, actually emails to ask if he is good looking enough ("yes dahling, you are pretty enough and universally good looking..")
-HK and Alicia brought in to personally confirm craziness level of Pretty Boy over drinks
Ex-BF updates:
-Viewing of "The Notebook" by HK and Elle leads to mascara smearing and need for copious amounts of kleenex. Discussion that a love such as that isn't realistic.
-Best route is to have best buddies to grow old all together in nursing home. Leads to further discussion:
-Richard and Elle apply to be HK's Sugar Babies.
-Ex-BF to be official nursing home pimp in 2059 by pushing Sugar Momma HK and her crotchety side kid Elle's wheelchairs. Trio to run amuck together.
-Run in with Richard at gym leads all dining with Alicia. Harem partially re-united again.
Friend updates:
-Happy birthday JMo and Petric!
-Dinner with HK and Alicia. Elle throws temper tantrum and bitches about evil nemesis, ghetto "Nooo she did-ent" comes out mouth.
Stalker updates:
-Premiere stalker of 2005 makes a come back. Phone convo as such:
Elle: Hello?
Phone Stalker: Elle? How are you?
E: Who is this?
PS: You don't know?
E: Nope, can't say I do
PS: Hmmm, really? You don't remember me?
E: No, should I have remembered you?
PS: Let me tell you a story to refresh your memory. There once was a girl who gave out her phone number to a boy and then never returned his calls.
E: Oh, which unlucky one are you?
PS: I am from out of state
E: Oh yes, now I remember! You are the crazy Michigan guy. You called me 8 times within a 2 week period, 3 of which happened to be the day after I met you. I believe you also told me the next day via VM that your niece was dying of hepatitis. You also called me on Valentines Day crying.
PS: Wow! You have a great memory
E: Err, your VMs were quite memorable. Why are you calling me?
PS: Because I wanted to see how you were doing. Why didn't you return my calls?
E: Because you are crazy. Really it isn't normal to call a girl 8 times without her returning your call. You should work on that.
PS: Sorry if I freaked you out.
E: Well, you did and I am fine, so you can stop calling me now.
PS: Hey, wanna get together?
E: No.
No big Deb hair by any of us, sorry to disappoint!
Saturday was a day of giving. Saturday was also a day of mischief. HK, Lisa O and I attended a charity luncheon and donned some interesting "holiday-ish" skirts, not to blend in (which sadly we did..WTF ladies of affluence?), not because it is the holiday season, but to be purely ridiculous and ironic.
There were two highlights of the day:
1) HK was complimented on her Oscar trophy-esque golden skirt with lace overlay.
2) When I checked the fur, the coat checker commented "Ohhhh, this is a nice one."
Needless to say, it was a good day. Not only did we donate to charity, but were thoroughly entertained by heavily present ugmo Christmas sweaters and the ridiculous conversations of the ladies surrounding us ("Seriously, does the charity benefactor really have to give a speech thanking us? I mean come on, we would rather just sit and talk and not have to listen to a boring speaker who is interrupting our conversation."). Yep, I think I could really enjoy being a Lunching Lady.
This is Bernice up close. Yes, we named her. We think she is/was a beaver. I suppose it could also be parts of her family too. People kept on asking if they could pet me. It was strange. I need to donate to PETA now...this is so wrong.
"BoyFriend" of the Week Quotes:
Yes, these were things Last Week's Insta BF had admitted to me by Friday, our second date
1) "You know you are marriage material, right?"
2) "You could totally work at Hooters."
3) "I really think you would love my dad, you need to meet him soon."
4) "I cannot lose you now."
5) "Don't worry I am keeping your mittens that you left in my car save and I smell them everyday."
6) "I will cheer for whatever team you tell me to cheer for."
Dear God! Sadly, this one isn't one of the scariest ones I have gone out with either. He honestly is a nice guy, he just apparently has no form of a filter. Perhaps he should ask Santa to toss one in his stocking this year.
A restraining order has been drafted for me just in case.
The quickie Vegas marriage to a beloved and stable companion suddenly seems a lot more sane and safe doesn't it?
Kiddies, as per request, here is what I have been up to, kinda. Well it is the half-ass version of what I have been up to.
No, I haven't died.
No, I haven't crawled under a rock.
I have legit things going on, really I do. I am kinda important at somethings I guess. Whatever. Anyway...
*Karaoke with Shelly: Madonna and The Bangles will never been quite the same;
*Mom wears Velour to lunch date with daughter, Elle either horrified or intrigued;
*Dreams dashed of being Millionaire contestant after Elle fails to win office jeopardy game at holiday party. Parting prize a $15 Starbucks gift card;
*Male friend accused of being boyfriend again by office, Andy still just the best non-date "date;"
*Asymmetrical tops still ugly as sin and should NEVER be worn; and
*Trip to Chicago yields eating glowing gummy worms with Jenna, dirty martinis at Le Bar, meeting Jenna's soul mate, and "shaking my shit in front of Neighbor Nate's Door..."
Up next: Look for a post sometime next week regarding the charity luncheon with some of the state's finest lunching ladies. Accomplices HK and Lisa O to wear hideous holiday velvet dresses along with yours truly. Another "Big Deb Hair" appearance might be arranged for too. There will also be a fur coat to wear. Yes, an alum heard about our mischievous antics and to help us look totally ridiculous lent me her ugly spare fur. Sometimes I love causing trouble. Get jazzed. This should be good.
