All Me

I know, I know. I have been a bad girl. I haven't posted in like 8 million years. Half of you have given up on me. Despair not my friends, I am back...at least for today to give you the recap of the ridiculousness that is my life.

Mitten Sniffer/Pretty Boy updates:
-Mittens secured from Mitten Sniffer over cocktails
-Pretty Boy's hair bigger than infamous Deb 'do, Elle suspects gelled spikes add 2 inches to petite frame
-Discussion re: While honesty is good, Crazy marriage talk = BAD
-Ex-model needs constant ego-boost, actually emails to ask if he is good looking enough ("yes dahling, you are pretty enough and universally good looking..")
-HK and Alicia brought in to personally confirm craziness level of Pretty Boy over drinks

Ex-BF updates:
-Viewing of "The Notebook" by HK and Elle leads to mascara smearing and need for copious amounts of kleenex. Discussion that a love such as that isn't realistic.
-Best route is to have best buddies to grow old all together in nursing home. Leads to further discussion:
-Richard and Elle apply to be HK's Sugar Babies.
-Ex-BF to be official nursing home pimp in 2059 by pushing Sugar Momma HK and her crotchety side kid Elle's wheelchairs. Trio to run amuck together.
-Run in with Richard at gym leads all dining with Alicia. Harem partially re-united again.

Friend updates:
-Happy birthday JMo and Petric!
-Dinner with HK and Alicia. Elle throws temper tantrum and bitches about evil nemesis, ghetto "Nooo she did-ent" comes out mouth.

Stalker updates:
-Premiere stalker of 2005 makes a come back. Phone convo as such:

Elle: Hello?
Phone Stalker: Elle? How are you?
E: Who is this?
PS: You don't know?
E: Nope, can't say I do
PS: Hmmm, really? You don't remember me?
E: No, should I have remembered you?
PS: Let me tell you a story to refresh your memory. There once was a girl who gave out her phone number to a boy and then never returned his calls.
E: Oh, which unlucky one are you?
PS: I am from out of state
E: Oh yes, now I remember! You are the crazy Michigan guy. You called me 8 times within a 2 week period, 3 of which happened to be the day after I met you. I believe you also told me the next day via VM that your niece was dying of hepatitis. You also called me on Valentines Day crying.
PS: Wow! You have a great memory
E: Err, your VMs were quite memorable. Why are you calling me?
PS: Because I wanted to see how you were doing. Why didn't you return my calls?
E: Because you are crazy. Really it isn't normal to call a girl 8 times without her returning your call. You should work on that.
PS: Sorry if I freaked you out.
E: Well, you did and I am fine, so you can stop calling me now.
PS: Hey, wanna get together?
E: No.