Apocalypse Now

God apparently isn't happy with the choice of the newly elected Nazi Pope (he must have been cheering for the Black dude). First the German frogs, then what?

Calamity Jane

Damn, wonder if this was meant for me?

Seeing as my own mother renamed me Michelle Grace after she cancelled my childhood ballet lessons from my lack of coordination. Life is too cruel sometimes...

Nah, couldn't have been for me, I don't do "deer in headlights..."

Irony of the Day...

Uber un-kosher topics discussed a Kosher Restaurant

It can only mean one thing...

Jenna is back in America and Charlie's Angels (plus a Bosley) had a reunion last night.

As always, Jenna did it best....

When will we learn to use our indoor voices while wining and dining so we don't offend half of Chicago with our racy talk?

Derby Days

Oh god, what have I agreed to? Are we insane?

Based on the amount of emails Wendi received regarding the post, apparently we aren't too offensive...hey, at least the ad is honest! This is a whole new market....Chicago men who readily agree to be tortured by the three of us! Just think of the fun!

Boot Camp

And I love you too!

I need a pair of these Tylie boots IMMEDIATELY! Seriously, a new obsession is stirring. And no smart asses, they are not the same as my Uggs, they are totally different and waaaay more cool...

Just in case anyone has forgot, my half birthday is next week and these can easily be ordered online (Hey, it's worth a shot..).


[EDITOR'S NOTE- If a certain New Yorker who happens to work in the shoe industry who happens to sometimes get free shoes, happened upon a pair in size 7 and happened to want to send them to a lovely paralegal in Chicago, eternal indebtedness/praise/general goddess worship and/or any other form of ass kissing that can be thought of, will of course be done. I would also be willing to offer my first born child, if it meets your liking...]

Drouble Trouble

It might be a sign that I have officially lost it when I realized that after wearing my glasses for 2 hours today, I had also been wearing my contacts at the same time...

Or maybe it is just time to go to the eye doctor, since the double prescription obviously didn't effect my vision today...

Damn.

Sugar High...

I need to be never let out of the house again, seriously. People my age shouldn't be going to bed at 10 am for the second weekend in a row.

Bangser, your friends are insane. I think I have enough stories from Friday night to last a while. Thank you for inviting me to blow out of a birthday celebration.

Smack Talkin'

A little late, but results were just verified today for the office pool. I came in 4th out of 17, in a heavily male dominated competition (and naturally the best showing for the female persuasion). Take that suckers!

Birthday Boy

Happy Birthday David!

Hope you are enjoying the WARM Florida weather, jerk...

Holy Crap!

Good God Cardinals, what were you thinking? Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, now known as Benedict XVI, was a member of Hitler's Youth! Didn't John Paul II have to apologize for that whole over-looking-the-Holocaust-thingie? Did we really need the homophobe who's nick name is “God’s Rottweiler” and who declared homosexuals to be suffering from an “objective disorder?”

Why has everyone gone so conservative? It is bad enough we have Baby Bushie, but now a CrAzY traditional (in the bad way) pope too?

I hate this planet, can I move to another?

Cubs Legend

Poor Ronnie Woo-Woo. Hopefully he is released early enough so he can watch tonight's 6:10 game.

Madison Weekend

MEMORANDUM

To: Klabanoff

From: Michelle

Re: Friday, Saturday and Sunday

______________________________________

Sorry for torturing you all weekend. We really did need you to listen to our stupid stories, shoe shop, dine, and drink with us. I promise to buy you more M & Ms in an attempt to medicate you. ______________________________________

To: My Sunday morning alarm clock
From: Michelle
Re: Saturday night/Sunday morning
______________________________________

Thank you for providing the most the most ridiculous DVD ever as a form of entertainment. I don’t think I have laughed that hard in a long time. ______________________________________

To: Andy
From: Michelle
Re: Saturday night/Sunday morning
______________________________________

You idiot!
______________________________________

To: Text Message Stalker
From: Michelle
Re: Text Messages and VMs all week
______________________________________

Just because I used to be cordial with you at work doesn’t mean I want to take you home. Get a clue, you suck.
______________________________________

To: My Hairdresser with green hair
From: Michelle
Re: Unprofessionalism
______________________________________

I am grateful that you didn’t accidentally dye my hair pink this time, but delaying my appointment by almost 2 hours, leaving me at the salon alone while you look for another hair dresser’s keys in your car, skimming off the top, and taking your sweet ass time is not the appropriate thing to do, especially since I am your favorite client. Just because I made out with you once when I was drunk doesn’t mean you can abuse me.
_______________________________________

To: Jenna
From: Michelle
Re: Leaving comments instead of sending emails
_______________________________________

Stop teasing us from afar. Just send us a damn email with details.
_______________________________________

To: Wendi and Kari
From: Michelle
Re: Funeral
______________________________________

Love ya ladies. Call me if you need to vent or just talk.
______________________________________

To: Deputy Dewey
From: Michelle
Re: Speeding tickets
______________________________________

You suck. Why was it necessary to give Wendi a speeding ticket and a mandatory court hearing given her situation? Damn, I knew I should have tossed on a low cut shirt after rolling out of bed on Sunday morning.
______________________________________

To: Wendi
From: Michelle
Re: Driving to and from Chicago
_______________________________________

Thank you for letting me sing karaoke during the drive. I really needed to belt out Aretha Franklin. Our girl band rendition of “Since U Been Gone” was excellent as well.

_______________________________________

To: MES

From: Michelle

Re: Sighting

______________________________________

I cannot even express my disappointment in your actions. You are shady and lame and get official top billing on my bastard list. Go Fuck yourself.

______________________________________

To: The waitress GF

From: Michelle

Re: Sighting

______________________________________

Trust me, when you first started dating he said that you remind him of me. He also told me that you were constantly upset when he would talk about me to you, even though we were best friends. Hope you enjoy the shadow; after all you are the generic version of me. Oh yes, stop bleaching your hair and fake baking....I so used to do that in college. ______________________________________

For those that heart Britney

Wendi and Jenna this is for you

Have been giggling uncontrollably since reading the Fugly site this morning. Gotta love it, especially their Britney section.

How can you not love a site that has coined the phrases:

1- Serial Impregnator
2- Incest Puppies
3- El Spermination
4- Cleansing your sytem with vodka for disinfecting your organs
5- Unwashed uterus

I LOVE FUGLINESS!

UW Founder's Day

Ha! Last year at Founder's Day, Katie and I got our season tickets on the 50 yard line for $500. This year, in the same auction, the tickets went for $1,200. Suckers.

RANT: Verizon

Is it not enough that I pay you a million dollars a month because of my text message addiction? Too many dropped calls. Verizon, suck my ass. I hate you.

Oh God, seriously?

Here we go again...

In today’s stalking news: Text Message Stalker sent me a message today basically wishing himself a Happy Birthday today.

TMS, you intent is obvious! You wish for me to reply to your text, the obligatory well wishing for today and then given the open line of communication you will then take the opportunity to lure me into your unstated (but very blatant) scheme and thus ask me to hang out tonight with you. You (so pathetically) think that even in the worst case scenario I will agree out of pity because no one is allowed to turn down someone on their birthday. Plus your cheap ass wants free drinks.

Hell no TMS, ain’t happening. You are making me be mean to you. I really didn't even want to be mean to you. Had you only accepted my multiple attempts to let you know nicely that I didn’t care to hang out, things wouldn’t have to be this war. This is war now.

One of Wisconsin's finest...

Well you can't say he isn't well educated...

Cubbies

And here I thought I was his only girlfriend....

Sunday's Game, after 12 innings: Cubs 6, Brewers 5



Our first game of the season! Let the contraband
Bacardi haze begin.

When beer stops being sold after the 8th, the game goes into extra innings, and the booze is wearing off, entertainment is much needed.

Enter the four boys from LA sitting in front of us. Pictured below is our fave.



Nick "The Dancing Queen" from
LA who did stupid human tricks for ciggies.
Notice his lovely Iron Maiden t-shirt and
Girbaud Jeans.



Also, please notice his hole-y and gross boxers.

Purrrr-fect

I know I am a sick person, but I can't help but laugh at Good Ole Wisconsin's proposed legislation. I wonder if you are going to need a permit to do this?

I HATE CATS, as if that couldn't be more obvious. They are satanic I tell you.

Start Rolling Your Eyes....

Today is the Crazy Israeli's b-day. Do I have to send the polite email even though I just successfully stopped communicating with him? Don't get me wrong, he is a very nice guy and I wish him well not only for his birthday, life in general, but also in his pursuit to successfully convert a Catholic to Judaism (I guess he likes them blonde). Talking to him again would result in me pulling out my hair, as his feminine tendencies rendered me insane. I worry that being nice and wishing him well today might be mistaken as interest in hanging out again...

Perhaps I should know better, as being nice on Friday now has gotten me a new stalker.

Chicago Stalker Tally for 2005: 2
Number of text messages new stalker has sent me since Friday: 5
Number of shit-talking text messages re: new stalker that have been sent to Megan, who seems to always be out with me on the nights that I get a new stalker: 5

I think I am hopeless....

Prince Charles and Camilla have an "official line of merchandise" to exploit, er I mean celebrate, their pending nuptials? Not fair.

When and IF I ever marry, I think I am deserving of the sponsorship of such gift ware. Not only would my face would look lovely on a teapot, but such an event quite easily could be the party of the year for the following reasons: 1) Marriage means that I have conned some very "lucky" guy in to having to deal with yours truly for an eternity; 2) The occasion would mark the death of my wild streak that has been hanging around since 1998, as I would be forced to grow-up and settle down; and 3)Who doesn't like a party, particularly if it is themed (cause that is what us Chicago girls have been doing a lot of lately).

Petitioning the government to sponsor my souvenirs is probably going to be our best bet. If you love me, you will contact your local Representative today.

Hmmm..just (disturbing) thoughts to ponder.

Brain Damage

Jenna and Michelle share the same Blonde Brain. Convo makes it very much apparent that Michelle can read Jenna's mind. Here is a summary of last night:

Scene I
The set up: Total take over of Mr. Roger's Apartment, Jenna's new friendly neighbor. Mr. Rogers goes downstairs to toss in a load of laundry.

J: Hey, you wanna go to Africa with me and Wendi?
M: Umm, no. Where you going though?
J: Egypt.
M: Are you insane?! I will not let you. I am pretty sure the do not like our Trixie type.
J: Yea, guess you are right. We were also considering Monaco.
M: Umm, you mean Morocco? You are thinking Monaco because Prince Rainier just died from Monaco.
J: oh Yea, right, you're good! Maybe your CNN is kicking in.
M: Ha! You mean ESP?
J: Oh yes, see...you really are good!

Scene II
The set up: Mr. Rogers returns from laundry and treats the girls to his bass playing skills. Claiming he can play any TV show theme song, Jenna requests "The Munsters" theme song.
Mr. R wails away, Jenna looks confused.

M: You're totally thinking of the Adam's Family theme song aren't you?
J: Stop reading my mind! God, we are the Bopsy Twins.
M: Frightening, I know.

Scene III
The set up: Mr. Roger's friend, The Fugi, stops by.

J: God, the Reds are always doing such do-gooder things.
TF: Reds? What? The Commies?
M: No, our friends, affectionately called "The Reds" because of their hair.
TF: You know, I am the only Cuban Russian in the world. Russia is my life, you should see my tattoo. (Where he lifts up his shirt to show that he sports the good old Commie tat on his left shoulder and a Devil head on his right)
J: Oh interesting. I think you need to let me draw a body for your Devil head!
TF: Ok beautiful (Where Jenna draws the Devil head a business suit).


In all fairness, all such conversations took place late at night, after multiple drinks and learning about life on the run by The Fugi. That's pretty much enough to mess up anyone's thought pattern. It should be also noted that the ex-fugitive is now is love with Jenna. This incident is probably enough to cause permenent brain damage.

CL e-pal still in denial...

From a transcript of today's email drama with Mozart:

"It's a tough situation. I don't really know how she feels exactly.. I hope she ditches that boyfriend of hers sometime soon so we can talk openly about what's going on."

Dude, she emails you once in a while (and sadly he knew the exact date and time of the last received message from Gamer Girl), is still with her boyfriend, has yet to return your calls, and lives like 15 states away...seriously you are in denial.

I am curious to know what he thinks is "going on" with their "relationship." A baited hook, an opportunity slay, and I didn't even take it. There was no obliging him for the details, I couldn't be that cruel, though, yes, I suppose it is true that I am directly going to hell for not only rolling my eyes, giggling, but outing him by posting this. Sigh...add to to my list....

Missing Madison

What I wouldn't give to be sitting on the Terrace today drinking Woodchuck.

Ahh, back in the day....

3-0!!

Happy Birthday Kari!



Title: "Girl Band" Screen Name: "Hoochie Mommas"

I LOVE YOU!!!

So beautiful....ahhh...

This is my new BF, Attila Dragoner. He plays for the Hungarian National Soccer Team and happened to be staying at my resort in Budapest. English might not be his forte, but no problem, I am used to it after The Fannypack and the Crazy Israeli.

Seriously, it could work out...

Budapest: A Pictorial (as requested)

The Hungarian Parliament building



The remains of Communism, Statue Park Budapest



Fishermen's Bastilion, a view of the Danube River



The Hungarian version of the Statue of Liberty

Ofoto Album to come.....

Red Eye Flight

Fabulous as ever...

I injected Heroin into my eyeball just for kicks today. I am wearing my Jackie O's, rock star style, all day today so no one suspects that I am high on the dope.

Fine, fine, call me out...it is really just lame-o allergies. I am still going to rock out the shades though, even if it is just to block the luminosity from my light-sensitive peepers today. God, seriously, can't anyone let me have my fun?

Michiganders.....

...totally rock today! K and W I didn't know y'all were at home....