Madison Weekend

MEMORANDUM

To: Klabanoff

From: Michelle

Re: Friday, Saturday and Sunday

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Sorry for torturing you all weekend. We really did need you to listen to our stupid stories, shoe shop, dine, and drink with us. I promise to buy you more M & Ms in an attempt to medicate you. ______________________________________

To: My Sunday morning alarm clock
From: Michelle
Re: Saturday night/Sunday morning
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Thank you for providing the most the most ridiculous DVD ever as a form of entertainment. I don’t think I have laughed that hard in a long time. ______________________________________

To: Andy
From: Michelle
Re: Saturday night/Sunday morning
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You idiot!
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To: Text Message Stalker
From: Michelle
Re: Text Messages and VMs all week
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Just because I used to be cordial with you at work doesn’t mean I want to take you home. Get a clue, you suck.
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To: My Hairdresser with green hair
From: Michelle
Re: Unprofessionalism
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I am grateful that you didn’t accidentally dye my hair pink this time, but delaying my appointment by almost 2 hours, leaving me at the salon alone while you look for another hair dresser’s keys in your car, skimming off the top, and taking your sweet ass time is not the appropriate thing to do, especially since I am your favorite client. Just because I made out with you once when I was drunk doesn’t mean you can abuse me.
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To: Jenna
From: Michelle
Re: Leaving comments instead of sending emails
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Stop teasing us from afar. Just send us a damn email with details.
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To: Wendi and Kari
From: Michelle
Re: Funeral
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Love ya ladies. Call me if you need to vent or just talk.
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To: Deputy Dewey
From: Michelle
Re: Speeding tickets
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You suck. Why was it necessary to give Wendi a speeding ticket and a mandatory court hearing given her situation? Damn, I knew I should have tossed on a low cut shirt after rolling out of bed on Sunday morning.
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To: Wendi
From: Michelle
Re: Driving to and from Chicago
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Thank you for letting me sing karaoke during the drive. I really needed to belt out Aretha Franklin. Our girl band rendition of “Since U Been Gone” was excellent as well.

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To: MES

From: Michelle

Re: Sighting

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I cannot even express my disappointment in your actions. You are shady and lame and get official top billing on my bastard list. Go Fuck yourself.

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To: The waitress GF

From: Michelle

Re: Sighting

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Trust me, when you first started dating he said that you remind him of me. He also told me that you were constantly upset when he would talk about me to you, even though we were best friends. Hope you enjoy the shadow; after all you are the generic version of me. Oh yes, stop bleaching your hair and fake baking....I so used to do that in college. ______________________________________