The Day's Musings...

A perfectly GREAT hair day ruined by this drippy weather. Frizz, not a good look ever. Damn it.
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To my Madison boys, aren't you glad you elected me social chair? By making you socialize on occasion, as opposed to letting you be lazy, proves I am only looking out for your best interest...see what happens when you play too many video games?

You can thank me later by buying my martinis...

The Real Total Ass...

Please excuse me if I am a bit off today, I didn’t get the best sleep last night (and no, gutter balls, it is not what you think). Around 2:30 this morning I was awakened and ending up having a strange conversation. Here it goes:

Riiiiiiiiiiing!

Miche: Ahhhhhh! What the fuck is that? Hello?
Dave: Hey, Michelle it’s Dave, I am in town with a friend and we need to go out, where should I take him?
Miche: Huh? What, what, what?
Dave: You know, like a bar, I knew you would know...
Miche: Wait, who is this?
Dave: It’s Dave.
Miche: I don’t know any Daves, I don’t think I know any Daves anyway, just a David, and that isn’t you.
Dave: You know, we met and you gave me your number.
Miche: Ha! That doesn’t mean anything, you could be one out of 80 guys
Dave: Remember, we met at a bar?
Miche: Once again, no clue..
Dave: So are you coming out with us or not?
Miche: Are you in Chicago?
Dave: Yes, come on....let’s go.
Miche: Ahhhh, no, don’t think I will be joining you..
Dave: Why not?
Miche: I am not even having this conversation... CLICK!

The remainder of the night was spent restless, in and out of sleep, trying to remember which bar fly out of countless bar flies, he was. And then I remembered. I met him at Jackie O’s in March! He was a Marine from Ohio who didn’t have a job because he was too busy milking the "I just got back from Iraq" angle and had been for several months (Service people, bless you for what you do, by all means, that was not a dig on you, just this moron). We talked for a while, and I gave him my number, only to have him come up to me 30 minutes later saying "Um, yeah, my GF is upstairs and she just saw me flirting with you an now she is pissed off. Wanna leave with me now?" All the while, the poor girl’s best friend sees him talking to me again, hears what he says and quite literally pulls him by the hair up the stairs and to his GF. A few days later he had the balls to call me (instant VM, of course) to hang out.

Seriously, were do I meet these guys?

This once again confirms it, dudes with girlfriends loooove me....
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Other on goings today:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TASK!

Today is my meeting with the "Total Ass" guy....should be interesting, but can he compete with the aforementioned? I seriously doubt it.

The Great Outdoors

Things I might admit to having packed for my weekend up North:
1) My cutest Juicy Couture warm-up;
2) LAMB Bag;
3) Herve Chapelier Bag;
4) The latest MAC line;
5) Bedazzled cell phone; and
6) Charles David Sandals

Katie’s cabin, as it turns out is less rustic shack and more beautiful summer home on the lake with all modern conveniences including: plumbing, a DVD player, 3 bathrooms, a laundry room and working telephone. There was no need for wildlife spray and it was not necessary that I washed my hair prior to the Northern road trip for fear of being a greasy mess come Sunday afternoon. Showers were plentifully had. The entire weekend was therefore dedicated to laughing at my fear of having to be outdoorsie and my absolute gullible-ness. Sigh...



My only wildlife contact this weekend..


Highlights of the “great outdoors” weekend:
1) Vodka tonics poured directly after breakfast (shortly there after ruined, see pic above);
2) Katie’s dad asking us to keep our buzzes below .1 BAC;
3) Laying out/gossiping/general laziness;
4) Boat rides;
5) Possible body dumping sighting;
6) Minocqua bars, not so much townie, more FIB-y; and
7) Testing my millionaire skills (did you know that Minocqua is an Indian term that translates to “mid-journey, stop and drink, and pleasant place to be?”)

Boyfriends of the weekend:

1) The Wrigleyville Dancing Queen spotted wearing strategically ripped jeans and dancing up a storm, if possible worse then most white boys...


"...You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life..."


2) The professional poker player, who when asked to tell me an interesting story divulged that he recently got a DUI, but it wasn’t that big of a deal since “all his friends had at least one” and that “it was almost a right of passage.” Hmm...sweet!


His pick up line: "you think my tractor shirt is sexy don't you?"

3) The bench BF who approached me while sitting waiting for our ride, open bottle in hand. God, where do I find these guys? It's like I was meant to mess with them or something...


I returned to Madison relaxed, tan, without poison ivy and full of sweet memories. Thanks Katie and KV!
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In other news:
Happy Birthday Katie and Ambular!

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Sorry J and W for making fun of your cheerleading days, apparently the skills you learned can be transferable later on in life.

Do you have an explanation for this Sug?

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I swear, I didn't post this, but thanks anyway!! Wait, why did I leave Chicago again?

"Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping ?"

In order to re-coup from last week's drama, Katie has suggested that we go up north to relax. So, guess who is going to the scary and outdoorsie Northern Wisconsin tonight?

I was told this morning that the Cabin doesn't have any plumbing. That scares me. How is this going to be relaxing again? What if I don't get my showers? You all know I have my obsessive mandatory shower issues...

Why do I get the feeling that this weekend will run much like the Newlyweds camping episode? Don't worry, there will be pics of me and my Jessica-like moments...I am sure that Katie will see to it.

Let's just hope I return in one piece, sans injury and sporting minimal mosquito bites.

The Link

For those legally minded, a treat for you!

My next BF, according to Shell...

Wisconsin, not so boring afterall...

Name Change

Random thought of the day: I think I will change my name again. Why you ask? After all, Michelle pronounceable, easily spellable, and was one of the most popular names for a girl in the 80's. Simply put, a nice, normal name and the exact reason why I change it regularly. Perhaps, I also think that I am Madonna (and always the Beyonce, in case I am confusing anyone) and can just re-invent myself at a whim.

In the 8th grade I convinced my entire class that my real name was Shelby, but when I was 3 my parents decided that they had made a terrible mistake in making me sound like a country singer and legally changed my name to Michelle. Then there was the time from 1996 to 1998 that I spelled my name Meshell just to confuse people and/or be a difficult teenager. Those years I even made the yearbook editor change the spelling of my name. In college it was back to Michelle except for my fabulous EC roomie who only called me Elle.

And then there was the whole MichelleLynn thing that lasted a month.

Now, I think it is Miche. Short, sweet, to the point.

There you have it, another name attention-getting transformation.

Tacky Tourists

Money, guns, booze, and a good pair a fishnets..
what more can a girl ask for?

Yep, this weekend marked the mandatory Dells outing! The highlighted tacky tour included:

1) A trip to Tommy Barlett's Exploratory (formally known as Robot World), cause I love me some Animatronics! I was nearly heart-broken to find that the faux Star Wars/Disney hybrid robot attraction had been gutted and replaced with the MIR space station. Who wants the left-over Russian Space capsule when you can have a poor-man's TomorrowLand straight out of a Jetson's cartoon? Anyway, moving along..

2) As you can see it was a hair raising experience....

Nearly 17,000 volts of static electricity were running
through me, causing a seriously severe 'do.

3) In the Exploratory, Shauna got to practice her Ninja skills...

Seriously, don't mess with this Beverly Hills Ninja.

4) A rare find: a "Whispering Dish." Insert ironic joke here...

Where to begin on this one...

5) The "Air Bike" was test-driven

Hmmm anyone thinking..Da-da-da-dam?

6) Dinner at Marley's: 2 for 1 Mai Tais and a 'Gator sandwich for Shauna B.

Career Change...

Shauna and Fritz doing their best to impersonate Tightly Bound

Early Friday evening, Shauna B and I pondered career changes over vodka redbulls....you know this ought to be interesting...

This burlesque show happens to have been one of the most widely entertaining and easily one of the best performances I have ever seen. I don't think it is possible for me to stop raving about it. The femme spirit, the bawdiness, the vaudeville throw backs, the humor, the appreciation for all women's body types...it was all great. As crazy as it may sound, it was amazing feel the positive spirit of the situation. Nothing about show was remotely close to objectify women. So cleverly, it was actually about the adoration, acclamation and cult worship of all women. And here we just came for the lewdness....

The show (and of course the company I kept too) provided the most fabulous of recent evenings. Count me in for the next show.

And something for you Chicago peeps...You must check these two out...the crowd was jumping out of their seats because of their part of the show...
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In other news...

Welcome to our little cult Jenny! And congrats too, even if you did happen to forgot to tell your Madison friends your little secret...

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Reason No. 8 million why Medicare sucks. God, someone please get a Dem (with a realitic agenda) in office to clean up this health care mess!

Rate-A-Date

Thursday night's date:

A foreign Ph.D candidate

The Review:

Drinks at a Capital bar. Conversation went as such(after an quick realization that we had zero in common and just knew that scare tactics were going to have to be put into place): my beyond crazy liberal ideas that not even the crazy tree-huggers around here would think were sane, my crush on the Hungarian National Soccer team after my March 2005 run-in with them at the resort, porn and feminism, my Bennett's experience, and an extended conversation on boobie bars. I think and hope my honesty, bluntness and over the top obnoxiousness scared him.

Poor guy, he was nice too...I feel bad that I had to break out the crazy girl act...

On the brighter side of things I am pretty sure that I entertained him while simultaneously freaking him out.

Totally Annoying Brats...

God damn it, terrorists! You are seriously pissing me off. Stop trying to get attention by playing the annoying younger sibling role. By continuing your attempt to disturb the Western world (ahem...those more civilized than you) isn't going to get us to change a damn thing on how we live, the religion we so chose to follow, or our foreign policies.

You better stop it or we might start ignoring you, look at what happened to North Korea when they recently tried to get attention...

No, hmmm, ignoring you isn't going to work? Now you have done it! Now we are going to have to tell dad what you did, and unfortunately for you (and I suppose us liberal/anti-war types too..), our daddy likes to blow things up.

You are so grounded mister! Go back to your caves and sit and think about what you did and how embarrassing you are to the real Islamic followers, the peace loving kind.

Reasons why I love the Terrace:
1) The only place where you can hear hippie chicks sing an acoustic version of Snoop's "Drop it Like it's Hot" complete with bongo drums;
2) It happens to be one of the most beautiful places in Madison;
3) Strongbow Cider (though I miss the days of the 46 oz Woodchuck);
4) Louis Armstrong lived again last night;
5) The Profits are the Open Mic House Band;
6) Excellent people watching;
7) Twin sightings of an Anna Nicole/Mariah Carey and several Backstreet Boys;
8) You get to see the horrified look on the SOAR parent's faces when they realize that their kids will soon be one of the drunks stumbling around;
9) Veggie Pitas and french fries with Ranch; and
10) Movies on the Terrace.

"Tastes Like Burning..."

Left:Michelle and large knives shouldn't go together
Right: Shauna prepares the Sangria (fade to an hour later, 2 giggly girls and an empty pitcher)

Dinner Party Review

Dinner:
Mixed salad
Creamy Chicken
Cheesecake and Strawberries

Drinks:
Sangria (that was "accidently" finished prior to our guest's arrival)
Red Wine from California
Wollersheim Prairie Fume (bonus points awarded to a cetain guest)

Attire:
The most conservative/house-wifey-like thing I could find that
High heels (didn't last long)
Hair styled, straightened and worn down (infamous and sloppy "Michelle pony" not introduced until well after dinner...a feat in it's self)

There was no burning/food poisoning/rubber-like substances, but instead excellent food, company and interesting conversation. All-in-all, a success.

It should be noted that Shauna and I plan on doing this again...yes, there will be a repeat performance...just don't expect it to happen frequently, this cooking thing is tiring! Yep, the end is near...

What a strange and uncharecteristic, but enjoyable evening...

Diet Martha

CASA DE SHAUNA B- Martha Stewart meets Bridget Jones today when Michelle attempts to cook an entire dinner for the first time since the Anniversary Incident of 1997 which involved frozen fish sticks and burnt pre-made cookies. The ambitious dinner party goal, set by Shauna B., is to feature the culinary treats of two hopelessly un-domesticated Trixies who’s everyday idea of dinner involves either microwaving, ordering in, or dinning out. The girls inspired to do their Martha-lite version of the 50's housewife, was prompted as the most ridiculous, uncharacteristic and entertaining way to say "Thank You" to both Andy and Boisen for helping us move heavy things, hook up complicated electronics, following directions/use all pieces/put together drawers correctly (as opposed to just glueing them together), being our occasional SD’s, and routinely putting up with drama.

In a shocking revolution, this is also the second time this year that Martha has inspired a party (see the 3/7/05 Spring Martha From Jail party).

For the purpose of those legally minded, and are visualizing a potential Personal Injury case (no..ok, maybe it is just me....), it should be noted that both boys fully understand the situation they are dealing with. It should also be noted that Boisen is medically trained and in case of poisoning, he should know what to do. No one should die from this event.

In case of utter culinary failure, pizza delivery will be called in as a back-up.
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This better not be an premonition for the evening: I totally just fried my Lean Cusine in the mic, damn it! I am screwed aren't I? Let's hope Shauna B is better at this whole dinner cooking thing....

Evil Laugh (Mahahaha!)

Question:
What possibly could make David laugh this hard? Could it be:

Exhibit A: Andy, post-delirium after a Trixie-rific weekend?

Exhibit B: Fritz, rocking Michelle's shades?

Exhibit C: Michelle's version of disc golf?

ANSWER:
Nope, none of the above. Here's a clue...you are going to have to ask Shauna B what she did to elicit such a reaction. Seriously, you know it's a good story when you see David out of control. This might be a once in a life time occurrence (see taking constant annoying pics has it's merits).

He might have even peed his pants, but you are going to have to confirm that with him. I don't want to know.

Success!

I've got digi cable, I've got my computer back, I've got internet again....

Life is good again. God, I am a nerd.

Law of the (Dairy)Land

You West-Siders still cannot convince me...
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I cannot believe that within 3 months of each other Wisconsin and Illinois have come to the opposite conclusions regarding the jury rewards of Medical Malpractice lawsuits. I am most shocked at today's WI Supreme Court decision, especially since Wisconsin was one of the few remaining states not to be in insurance crisis over jury verdict damage decisions..

What all this legalese boils down to, essentially Wisconsin Doctors, you are screwed.

Read for yourself:
Wisconsin Med-Mal law vs. Illinois Med-Mal law

Wonder if this will now directly effect my Christmas bonus?

Orange Crush

Crusher revokes interest on Crushee, as Crushee's new haircut yields bad taste and multiple unruly cowlicks.

Another one bites the dust.

In other news:

Midnight Oil, Michelle's computer is sick. Illness to be blamed on Michelle's klutziness, as she tripped on the power cord while an critical driver was being installed. Oops. Friends made with Comp Tech Scott, set to do the mending. Consequently invited Michelle to go Sky Diving with him post comp operation.

2006 Bride to Wear Depends at Wedding

AN IRISH PUB AFTER AN IRISH CAR BOMB- Katie, in an effort to spare her Personal Attendants, Michelle and Vauk, the duty of holding up her dress during bathroom trips, has offered to wear Depends at her own wedding. "Hey, the extra padding in back might add to the bustle of the dress! This will be a new form of wedding Haute Couture!" the perky and skinny future Bride offered. The wedding, scheduled for August 2006, is to also feature the talents of the couple's UW Drinking Team friends made up of sorority sisters and golf enthusiasts.

Friday, Finally...

As I was unpacking last night I realized that I have more shot glasses then I have real glasses. Is that a problem? I swear, I didn't buy half of them....
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I also swear I have a summary for the 4th of July Extravaganza (and some pretty interesting pics)....I just haven't had enough computer access this week to blog out the adventures.

A sneak peak:

*Disc Golfing should not be played in heels and/or dresses unless you want to be laughed at. If it is humanly possible to make this hippie drench sport Bourgeoisie-ish, Jenna and I did. Yes, we might have ruined it.

*Don't let Shelly run around your apartment when she is drunk and it is dark and you haven't finished unpacking your kitchen. Bad idea.

*Febreeze not only rids clothes of cigarette stank, but dissolves paranoia as well.

*After finally conforming and watching my first episode of Seinfeld, I don't get what everyone raves about.

*I was out cleaved at my own game, on my turf, by Jenna.

Off to Canada I go....

NO!!!!

This is detrimental.

I want to cry.

I swear, I really am moving to Canada this time....

Sandy, sweetie, why are you doing this to the women of America? Don't you love us ladies anymore? Remember that whole abortion thing, you know that issue that is HUGE and controversial and you were a critical vote to make it legal? Member that time?? And to top it off, damn Sandy OC, you are going and leaving your poor girl Ruthie with those old wind bag conservatives? What kind of wing-woman are you? I know, darling little fence sitter, you are getting up there in age, but didn't you want to wait until Baby Bushie is gone and Hi-C has taken over? That would be sweet!

I am off to pout now.