It is bad enough that the AM and my baby brother share the same name, but it is weirding me out that this week as the AM is getting over a cold, they temporarily have very similar voices.

Last night's date went well, still haven't found anything MAJORLY wrong with him. This is also weirding me out. I am going to go out on a limb here, but perhaps he actually is a normal decent guy. Who knew such a creature existed, esp with my dating history?!?

Interesting...

I went my second date with The Alpha Male. It went well. He is smart and nice, a combination I haven't seen in a while. There will be a date number 3.

Now I am not saying that I am running off to Vegas with this one (because that act of irrationality is reserved for someone else), but I am saying that Guinness should be alerted as I haven't found anything severely wrong with this one yet, a new world record.

Death to Cupid

Cupid is an evil and twisted little man. I am telling you this guy has it out for me. Instead of injecting me arrows of looooove, the fat little bastard has injected me with some virus that has made me lose my voice, liken my throat to sandpaper, and cough up a lung.

Additional proof that Cupid hates me: Valentine's 1999 in the middle of a romantic dinner my throat started hurting. By 9pm I had full blown Bronchitis. Case closed.

Needless to say I am miserable today, but only because I am sick and cannot be out and about socializing as I had planned.

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I realize that today is no longer Valentine's Day...Blogger was broken just like I was yesterday...more proof that Cupid is the devil.

Surreal Times

I am addicted to several things:

Sug Free RBs;
DCs;
Junky reality TV;
Any form of sour candy;
Taking incriminating photos of my beloveds only to show up on the blog;
My bedazzled cell phone (ok, actually anything bedazzled); and
My pink I-pod;

On Friday I was without the later two of these precious items and I went a little crazy. It felt like my world was upside down. Seriously.

Friday was Day One without the pod. It is currently being seviced and will take apprx 3 weeks to fix, as it had to be shipped off. The past 13 months of owning my Mini has been heaven on earth. I would listen to it everyday without fail for several hours. If I could, I would have it permanently implanted in me (wait, you can do that now..). So, as you can see, not having my Mini is throwing me through a (pathetic) loop. It had me so off balanced that I left my cell phone at home on Friday on accident. I nearly freaked out when I walked into work without my other permanent accessory, the bedazzled cell. I didn't know what to do with myself. This is seriously disturbing, I know.

To make myself feel better and to prepare for my Mini's return I have been editing my I-tunes. I will be ready for her safe return and ready with fresh new music.

Laugh if you want about my silly obsessions, but secretly I know several of you out there have admitted the same to me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce the engagement of Miss Shauna B to Mr. Dave.



Ok, not really. I think they would kill each other if that ever happened. I am just convinced that this pic looks like newspaper announcement for an engagement. Good times.

Oh My God....

You will not believe the topic of convo at dinner tonight. I question how do I get myself into these situations. Let me explain....

While dining with several ladies, being the entertainer that I am, it was requested that I tell a dating horror story. Seeing as I have what will one day be a voluminous work of non-fiction, I was happy to oblige. I started with the most recent of victims, as you know a humorous situation. As I narrated the social atrocity of his psychoses, it was quickly realized that the Mitten Sniffer had also gone on a date with one of the girls whom I was dining with. Soon thereafter it was discovered that the email asking "am I good looking enough for you, because I want to meet your standards" was not an original email, but a form email that he sent after every first date that he goes on. WTF? Granted I did think it was a bit weird. And yes I did laugh out loud when I read it. But in all seriousness, who does that and then send it as well to another girl. What a head case.

Needless to say, she and I laughed so hard at the situation that surrounding tables began to look at us strangely. Never a dull moment in my life...

This and That

ATTACK! Poor Andy's shirt, it got tore up by Shauna B.

What have I been doing the last week? A short quiz:

1) Got into an ice fight at the KK (which I didn't start, and no it wasn't my idea to go there either);

2) Almost licked the face of a guy with Bill Gates like qualities (sans the cash I am pretty sure) because of a new theory that everyone needs at least one good face licking in a lifetime (and trust me, I would have been his only one...I was trying to do a good deed here);

3) Witnessed Shauna attacking and ripping Andy's shirt at a bar, see above;

4) Played pool twice and didn't suck too terribly at it;

5) Dealt with drama so ridiculous that I cannot talk about it;

6) I would say that I owe Andy my first born child to be his personal servant because that is supposed to convey how eternally grateful I am to him, however I am pretty sure that would freak him out, so instead I owe him dinner for putting together my new desk and new entertainment center in a marathon 6 hour ordeal on Thursday. I heart you, Andy.

7) Attended a party in Milwaukee with HK and ex-BF Richard;

8) Went shopping and have a tentative dinner pseudo-date planned with ex-BF Richard (I swear we are just friends, so stop asking if we are getting back together); and

9) Have been a bad friend because I haven't been returning phone calls because I am exhausted after a typical day of work, gym, and then some form of a meeting to attend. I love you all, I am sorry that I suck. After next week I will slate "being a decent human being" on my list of important things to do.

Answer: Oh crap, I think I made it obvious I did all these things in the last week. I will still give everyone who emailed me their answers a gold star and smiley face though.

What, What, What??? (Insanity Over Here)

WTF is going on today in Madison? Disturbing to say the least.

----------------------------------------------------------------

On a brighter note, for the first time pretty much EVER my kitchen sink is void of any dirty dishes. Yes, it is true, there is not one single dirty fork, plate, cup or what have you, in my sink.

Amazing I know...

Ask anyone who has ever lived with me or has come to visit me and has been told to stay clear of the closed off kitchen, this really is a miracle. I might even take a pic.

N Y E 2006

It wouldn't be right to start the New Year without a good face licking:



Though, I could have done without the scary looking fish and chips (seriously did they just drop it into the fryer skin and all? I am perplexed.):



Once again, thank god for vodka RB...this time for more than just the normal energy deprived reason:

Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Recently Katie and Eric hosted a party. It got a little out of hand. Please view pics, they really don't need too much explanation as to why: a) ugly Christmas sweaters can be cool if it is a themed party, b) we were all terribly hung over the next day and c) mash potato fights, strawberries smeared on the wall and spilled Cosmos on the floor can lead to a hefty clean-up the next day.


If you could read the sign it would say "Keep the Christ in Christmas." It was "found" on the way to the bar.



This is Junior. He feel asleep at the bar. It was a looong day of drinking. 12 hours to be exact.



Normal people would use cutlery while dining on
Thanksgiving-esque food. Apparently our crowd wasn't the normal type. Utensils used instead of actual silverware included: a) hands (with lots of licking of other's fingers), b) a drumstick, c) a hammer, and d) a candy cane.

All Me

I know, I know. I have been a bad girl. I haven't posted in like 8 million years. Half of you have given up on me. Despair not my friends, I am back...at least for today to give you the recap of the ridiculousness that is my life.

Mitten Sniffer/Pretty Boy updates:
-Mittens secured from Mitten Sniffer over cocktails
-Pretty Boy's hair bigger than infamous Deb 'do, Elle suspects gelled spikes add 2 inches to petite frame
-Discussion re: While honesty is good, Crazy marriage talk = BAD
-Ex-model needs constant ego-boost, actually emails to ask if he is good looking enough ("yes dahling, you are pretty enough and universally good looking..")
-HK and Alicia brought in to personally confirm craziness level of Pretty Boy over drinks

Ex-BF updates:
-Viewing of "The Notebook" by HK and Elle leads to mascara smearing and need for copious amounts of kleenex. Discussion that a love such as that isn't realistic.
-Best route is to have best buddies to grow old all together in nursing home. Leads to further discussion:
-Richard and Elle apply to be HK's Sugar Babies.
-Ex-BF to be official nursing home pimp in 2059 by pushing Sugar Momma HK and her crotchety side kid Elle's wheelchairs. Trio to run amuck together.
-Run in with Richard at gym leads all dining with Alicia. Harem partially re-united again.

Friend updates:
-Happy birthday JMo and Petric!
-Dinner with HK and Alicia. Elle throws temper tantrum and bitches about evil nemesis, ghetto "Nooo she did-ent" comes out mouth.

Stalker updates:
-Premiere stalker of 2005 makes a come back. Phone convo as such:

Elle: Hello?
Phone Stalker: Elle? How are you?
E: Who is this?
PS: You don't know?
E: Nope, can't say I do
PS: Hmmm, really? You don't remember me?
E: No, should I have remembered you?
PS: Let me tell you a story to refresh your memory. There once was a girl who gave out her phone number to a boy and then never returned his calls.
E: Oh, which unlucky one are you?
PS: I am from out of state
E: Oh yes, now I remember! You are the crazy Michigan guy. You called me 8 times within a 2 week period, 3 of which happened to be the day after I met you. I believe you also told me the next day via VM that your niece was dying of hepatitis. You also called me on Valentines Day crying.
PS: Wow! You have a great memory
E: Err, your VMs were quite memorable. Why are you calling me?
PS: Because I wanted to see how you were doing. Why didn't you return my calls?
E: Because you are crazy. Really it isn't normal to call a girl 8 times without her returning your call. You should work on that.
PS: Sorry if I freaked you out.
E: Well, you did and I am fine, so you can stop calling me now.
PS: Hey, wanna get together?
E: No.

'Tis the Season

No big Deb hair by any of us, sorry to disappoint!

Saturday was a day of giving. Saturday was also a day of mischief. HK, Lisa O and I attended a charity luncheon and donned some interesting "holiday-ish" skirts, not to blend in (which sadly we did..WTF ladies of affluence?), not because it is the holiday season, but to be purely ridiculous and ironic.

There were two highlights of the day:
1) HK was complimented on her Oscar trophy-esque golden skirt with lace overlay.
2) When I checked the fur, the coat checker commented "Ohhhh, this is a nice one."

Needless to say, it was a good day. Not only did we donate to charity, but were thoroughly entertained by heavily present ugmo Christmas sweaters and the ridiculous conversations of the ladies surrounding us ("Seriously, does the charity benefactor really have to give a speech thanking us? I mean come on, we would rather just sit and talk and not have to listen to a boring speaker who is interrupting our conversation."). Yep, I think I could really enjoy being a Lunching Lady.


This is Bernice up close. Yes, we named her. We think she is/was a beaver. I suppose it could also be parts of her family too. People kept on asking if they could pet me. It was strange. I need to donate to PETA now...this is so wrong.

A Case of the Crazies

"BoyFriend" of the Week Quotes:
Yes, these were things Last Week's Insta BF had admitted to me by Friday, our second date

1) "You know you are marriage material, right?"
2) "You could totally work at Hooters."
3) "I really think you would love my dad, you need to meet him soon."
4) "I cannot lose you now."
5) "Don't worry I am keeping your mittens that you left in my car save and I smell them everyday."
6) "I will cheer for whatever team you tell me to cheer for."

Dear God! Sadly, this one isn't one of the scariest ones I have gone out with either. He honestly is a nice guy, he just apparently has no form of a filter. Perhaps he should ask Santa to toss one in his stocking this year.

A restraining order has been drafted for me just in case.

The quickie Vegas marriage to a beloved and stable companion suddenly seems a lot more sane and safe doesn't it?

Take That and Rewind it Back..

Kiddies, as per request, here is what I have been up to, kinda. Well it is the half-ass version of what I have been up to.

No, I haven't died.
No, I haven't crawled under a rock.

I have legit things going on, really I do. I am kinda important at somethings I guess. Whatever. Anyway...


*Karaoke with Shelly: Madonna and The Bangles will never been quite the same;

*Mom wears Velour to lunch date with daughter, Elle either horrified or intrigued;

*Dreams dashed of being Millionaire contestant after Elle fails to win office jeopardy game at holiday party. Parting prize a $15 Starbucks gift card;

*Male friend accused of being boyfriend again by office, Andy still just the best non-date "date;"

*Asymmetrical tops still ugly as sin and should NEVER be worn; and



*Trip to Chicago yields eating glowing gummy worms with Jenna, dirty martinis at Le Bar, meeting Jenna's soul mate, and "shaking my shit in front of Neighbor Nate's Door..."

Up next: Look for a post sometime next week regarding the charity luncheon with some of the state's finest lunching ladies. Accomplices HK and Lisa O to wear hideous holiday velvet dresses along with yours truly. Another "Big Deb Hair" appearance might be arranged for too. There will also be a fur coat to wear. Yes, an alum heard about our mischievous antics and to help us look totally ridiculous lent me her ugly spare fur. Sometimes I love causing trouble. Get jazzed. This should be good.

What Happens in Vegas Doesn't Always Stay in Vegas

In a wild turn of events, a possible plot to run off to Vegas and get hitched was actually considered today. Yes, a total Brit move. Who is the potential beau? Well now, that is my little secret.... You are going to have to drag it out of JMo who encouraged the not-so-sane scheme today via IM in a three way convo. JMo apparently has career potential as a Yenta.

Sorry, Tasky and previously stated and now confirmed, I will not be marrying one of the two that we discussed on Monday night.

Once again it is validated that I should be taking the crazy person meds.

Free at Last

I think we all know about my little crush. So I just want to say I knew it.

Don't you think a nice Midwest girl could do him good at present?

Now, all I need is an introduction (Stef?).

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

When I said I wanted a small dog to tote around in my purse, this is not what I had in mind. Smart-asses.

RIP, Ugmo dog-rat mutant, RIP.

Token of Appreciation

Seriously, could my hair be any bigger?

I have been many things in my life, but coming from a small town in Wisconsin where everyone is German or Irish, Catholic or Lutheran, standing out in a crowd based on heritage was not something that I experienced in the first 18 years of my life. My dairy-rific town was a bit carbon copy prone, unfortunately. Needless to say, most of my life I managed to avoid being "the token" one at any given event.

This past weekend I can tell you I was in the interesting and obvious minority. This weekend I attended my first Jewish wedding with Task. I had the honor of being the token Shiksa. I swear I heard the "One of these things is not like the other things...." song played by the band at the reception. Ok not really. And actually I had a great time. Plus we all know I love attention. Being slightly different most definitely got me that. I even learned several things from this experience:
1) Task was right, they all knew I was the Goyeh. Apparently big church Deb-ish hair was one of the 800 dead giveaways. The bride even greeted me as "So you are the Shiksa date..." which of course made the three of us laugh.
2) Though I enjoy a good Catholic wedding, these folks do it right: short, sweet, to the point and no ridiculous greeting line to have to deal with post ceremony. Who can't appreciate that?
3) I have never seen so many people dance for hours on end at a reception before and it wasn't to the stupid-should-be-outlawed-chicken-dance either, thank god.
4) I actually knew several people at the reception. For once I actually was grateful having lived in the Towers.
5) It is possible to cry at a wedding even when you have never met the bridal couple. Seriously it was a touching ceremony, shut-up and stop laughing at me!

I Got Nothing...

I am too damn busy to think of anything witty and/or interesting to write. I have resorted back to my college days and am the ultimate sorority girl again meaning that come Thursday night I will have had seven days in a row of sorority meetings/duties/events. God, I really am crazy to through myself back into this alumni style. Secretly I enjoy it, just don't tell anyone...

So with lack of interesting stories in my life, due to well honestly not having a life at present, I present to you the Chicago Girl Band.

The Girl Band, miles apart, but together in spirit...

I miss you Wenda/Jendi a/k/a Jenna and Wendi!
Darling Band Manager, I of course miss you too.

Ice Queen

Fuck. It totally snowed. Curse this state and all states that allow for such things to happen. Perhaps a phone to to my local representative is in order. Or maybe not.