Noooooo, you got it all wrong...

Can someone explain to me in lay person computer speak why it is when you enter "The Betrothed" under an MSN search my site comes up? The irony.....

I refuse and object to this ridiculousness. I will run kicking and screaming away from it....UGG.

Hot for Teacher

Lessons of the Day:
1) Wearing an all black outfit makes you look like you are going to a funeral. One should always sass up an outfit with a pair of tasteful, but bright heels to add a splash of color to an otherwise dreary ensemble. See No. 2 below.

2) A high heel shoe, is more like a high HELL shoe. One should realize that grogginess in the morning is no excuse, heels make feet bleed. Heels fucking hurt. Heels force clumsy girls to shuffle around instead of walking with a sexy strut. Heels also make vertically challenged girls trip, often. Heels might look cute sitting in a row in your closet begging to be worn, but should remain solely as novelty pieces, and not actually worn.

3) The Health Science library is a an excellent place to find aesthetically-pleasing menfolk. The recompense for researching medical conditions!

Chit-Chat

After talking to Task for nearly 2 hours tonight a few things were confirmed:

* In November I will be attending my first Jewish wedding with Task. What multicultural fun! A whole night hanging with "the crew," you know I couldn't be more excited!

* Task recently had a scarring event to rival my own. Suffice it to say, we still aren't sure who's is worse.

* Verizon, as always, managed to lose my call no less than 4 times during this 2 hour chat. If it wasn't for the fact that it took me 2 hours to bedazzle my Verizon brand cell phone, I would leave this bitch-ass company for good. I shake my fist at you Verizon!

* I miss you Tasky! Come back to Madison where you belong. Your eclectic group of friends here need you to complete our circle of degeneracy (and I mean that in the most loving way).

[EDITOR'S NOTE: This post was waaaay more sassy when I wrote it last night, but then I realized just how offensive it really could be taken.....so this is the PC boring version of it.]

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Happy Belated Birthday Ambular!

Friday Night

Crazy things happen when you deviate from your typical schedule. Instead of going to Crave, as we have every Friday since June, we opted for something new. The bar of the week and potentially our new Friday night home is: Mercury Cafe. Some of the evening's events:

1) Charlie made the mistake of spacing out in the middle of one of stories. Unbeknownst to him, if ask me a story and then stop paying attention, I just might get mean. Poor Charlie, he didn't know. Lucky for him my aim had become a bit disabled, and the battery that was intended to forcefully strike his head ended up grazing his chest.


Yes, I threw a battery at Charlie...and he kind of liked it..

2) Our bartender not only fed us shots, but showed us a surprise under his apron. Let's just say Andy was less than pleased with what came shooting out next to his face. Ok that sounds bad, really it was perfectly legally and in no way REALLY Indecent Exposure.

3) Shauna B, jumping on the gag bandwagon, also thought it would be fun to tell our bartender the story about a recent scarring "up close encounter" that I had with The New Total Ass.

4) While waiting for our Ian's pizza, there might have also been a purchase of a candy fun by Miss Shauna B.


Serves 20! That's a whole lotta loving!

5) I don't remember why this started or how it started. It made me kind of scream though.



The Evenings quotes:

"We have to admit people are stupid, that's the first step in ridding ourselves of them."

Friends 'til the End

The Circle of Trust has been updated. Did you make the cut?

Summer of Sorority Sister Weddings: Round 1

Sorority reunion

Saturday marked the 1st of 3 sorority sister weddings that I will attend within a month, yes a month.

Wedding Lowdown
Couple: Lindsay and Nate

My Date: Actually, served as fill in date for Alicia

The Story: Meet during the infamous Homecoming 2000 when our sorority was paired with his fraternity (Note this story to be repeated for the 9/17/05 wedding as well...how everyone apparently managed to meet the love of their life while building a float except for yours truly is beyond me....)

The review: Beautiful ceremony, but even more beautiful bride, touching speech by groom, excellent venue, great food, good friends present, fun music (and no stupid chicken dance, yuck), it was like homecoming all over again except without the football! We all actually had fun at this wedding, a rare occasion.

Rating: A+

And now a pictorial of the evening...


Our escape route from the wedding...alright fine we were actually just too lazy to walk to the other side of the parking lot. Yes, four of us girls hiked it over a fence in skirts. What can I say, actually I don't have a logical explanation for it...



The international sign for "Give me Ian's pizza when I am drunk from a sorority sister wedding and it is now bar time but I don't want the party to end quite yet..."

Peace Talks

THE TERRACE- Peace talks today occurred in between Michelle and Mikey, the ex of infamy in recent posts. Common ground was reached without eye daggers being thrown, though many expected such actions. Visitation rites to The Plaza were also established. Friendship to hopefully resume again.

BEST WEEK EVER

Guess who is having the Best Week Ever?

Michelle names herself Prom Queen of the Week.

The rundown:

Monday:
1) Alicia asks Michelle to be her date to a sorority sister wedding, back-up date once again.

Tuesday:
1) Research cancer all day, prodigy levels of understanding intricacies attained. No need for over-rated Med School, Oncology is easy!
2) Shopping for last minute wedding outfit. Outfit chosen unknowingly on super sale!
3) Being smart and shopping, is hard. Healthy appetite worked up. Alicia's momma stuffs girls with pizza.

Wednesday:
1) Big time Madison politician tells Michelle he loves her outfit, campaigning never ends.
2) Lunch with Momma at Irish pub.
3) Momma buys Michelle flowers for her office just cause she loooooves her favorite daughter, office confused and asks which BF of the week sent them.
4) The Redwalls concert with Madison. Debit Card nearly lost at Montmartre by idiot server, Madison saves the day and bypasses Michelle's looming anxiety attack.
5) Evil Twins secure first class flight to hell after similar morality confessions made.
6) Trip to "The Pier," cute earring lost, Michelle really doesn't care, evening was devilishly fun.

Thursday:
1) Direct deposit into bar after work. Second trip to Montmarte made in a week.
2) Visit to Michelle's favorite place on earth, The Terrace, to hear band.
3) Male co-hort dragged to The KK, Michelle's second favorite place on earth.
4) Feverishly sent texts to sorority sisters of play-by-play of developing story result in unanimous head shaking/rolling of eyes.
5) Once again confirmed, dudes with girlfriends love Michelle.
6) Madison officially loses "Total Ass" sovereignty, coronation of newly crowned title holder occurs late night.

Friday:
1) Surprise lunch with Jennie. Michelle in sappy mood, nearly brought to tears to see dear friend.
2) Dinner with Alicia, HK, Shauna and Klabanoff. Indecent dinner discussions, multiple strong cock-tails, good food, and giggle fists all had by girls. Klabanoff gets migraine, calls Andy for back up testosterone.


3/4 of The Quad

3) Best ranch ever spilled all over table by Calamity Jane. Surging booze in system leads to "genius" idea, attempt made at scooping up product with spoon so waitress wouldn't roll her eyes again.


Scoop!

4) Four new initiates at Crave.


Welcome to the Club HK!

5) Poofy hair was petted.


Poooooooooof!

6) The Profits spotted, scared of number one fans.


Can we be your groupies?

7) Approximately 20 sorority sisters in town, the city of Madison/area men/local bars terrorized after booze fest. Night much like Homecoming gatherings minus the football.

Saturday:
Wedding stories pending, update tomorrow if editor is still alive.

Green with Envy

Some people have the coolest jobs ever. Some people I know get paid to go to such events as the Toronto Film festival and the MTV Music Awards. Some people also get to meet Pam Anderson, my idol. Some people have worked with Steve Martin. Some people talk to Bryan Adams in the elevator. Some people helped to make my precious Ugg boots famous.

It is just not fair for one person to have that much fun at work. And here I thought my job of researching diseases and medical conditions was fun and exciting. Damn, that's what I get for moving back to Wisconsin.

The Day's Musings...

A perfectly GREAT hair day ruined by this drippy weather. Frizz, not a good look ever. Damn it.
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To my Madison boys, aren't you glad you elected me social chair? By making you socialize on occasion, as opposed to letting you be lazy, proves I am only looking out for your best interest...see what happens when you play too many video games?

You can thank me later by buying my martinis...

The Real Total Ass...

Please excuse me if I am a bit off today, I didn’t get the best sleep last night (and no, gutter balls, it is not what you think). Around 2:30 this morning I was awakened and ending up having a strange conversation. Here it goes:

Riiiiiiiiiiing!

Miche: Ahhhhhh! What the fuck is that? Hello?
Dave: Hey, Michelle it’s Dave, I am in town with a friend and we need to go out, where should I take him?
Miche: Huh? What, what, what?
Dave: You know, like a bar, I knew you would know...
Miche: Wait, who is this?
Dave: It’s Dave.
Miche: I don’t know any Daves, I don’t think I know any Daves anyway, just a David, and that isn’t you.
Dave: You know, we met and you gave me your number.
Miche: Ha! That doesn’t mean anything, you could be one out of 80 guys
Dave: Remember, we met at a bar?
Miche: Once again, no clue..
Dave: So are you coming out with us or not?
Miche: Are you in Chicago?
Dave: Yes, come on....let’s go.
Miche: Ahhhh, no, don’t think I will be joining you..
Dave: Why not?
Miche: I am not even having this conversation... CLICK!

The remainder of the night was spent restless, in and out of sleep, trying to remember which bar fly out of countless bar flies, he was. And then I remembered. I met him at Jackie O’s in March! He was a Marine from Ohio who didn’t have a job because he was too busy milking the "I just got back from Iraq" angle and had been for several months (Service people, bless you for what you do, by all means, that was not a dig on you, just this moron). We talked for a while, and I gave him my number, only to have him come up to me 30 minutes later saying "Um, yeah, my GF is upstairs and she just saw me flirting with you an now she is pissed off. Wanna leave with me now?" All the while, the poor girl’s best friend sees him talking to me again, hears what he says and quite literally pulls him by the hair up the stairs and to his GF. A few days later he had the balls to call me (instant VM, of course) to hang out.

Seriously, were do I meet these guys?

This once again confirms it, dudes with girlfriends loooove me....
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Other on goings today:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TASK!

Today is my meeting with the "Total Ass" guy....should be interesting, but can he compete with the aforementioned? I seriously doubt it.

The Great Outdoors

Things I might admit to having packed for my weekend up North:
1) My cutest Juicy Couture warm-up;
2) LAMB Bag;
3) Herve Chapelier Bag;
4) The latest MAC line;
5) Bedazzled cell phone; and
6) Charles David Sandals

Katie’s cabin, as it turns out is less rustic shack and more beautiful summer home on the lake with all modern conveniences including: plumbing, a DVD player, 3 bathrooms, a laundry room and working telephone. There was no need for wildlife spray and it was not necessary that I washed my hair prior to the Northern road trip for fear of being a greasy mess come Sunday afternoon. Showers were plentifully had. The entire weekend was therefore dedicated to laughing at my fear of having to be outdoorsie and my absolute gullible-ness. Sigh...



My only wildlife contact this weekend..


Highlights of the “great outdoors” weekend:
1) Vodka tonics poured directly after breakfast (shortly there after ruined, see pic above);
2) Katie’s dad asking us to keep our buzzes below .1 BAC;
3) Laying out/gossiping/general laziness;
4) Boat rides;
5) Possible body dumping sighting;
6) Minocqua bars, not so much townie, more FIB-y; and
7) Testing my millionaire skills (did you know that Minocqua is an Indian term that translates to “mid-journey, stop and drink, and pleasant place to be?”)

Boyfriends of the weekend:

1) The Wrigleyville Dancing Queen spotted wearing strategically ripped jeans and dancing up a storm, if possible worse then most white boys...


"...You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life..."


2) The professional poker player, who when asked to tell me an interesting story divulged that he recently got a DUI, but it wasn’t that big of a deal since “all his friends had at least one” and that “it was almost a right of passage.” Hmm...sweet!


His pick up line: "you think my tractor shirt is sexy don't you?"

3) The bench BF who approached me while sitting waiting for our ride, open bottle in hand. God, where do I find these guys? It's like I was meant to mess with them or something...


I returned to Madison relaxed, tan, without poison ivy and full of sweet memories. Thanks Katie and KV!
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In other news:
Happy Birthday Katie and Ambular!

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Sorry J and W for making fun of your cheerleading days, apparently the skills you learned can be transferable later on in life.

Do you have an explanation for this Sug?

____________________________________________
I swear, I didn't post this, but thanks anyway!! Wait, why did I leave Chicago again?

"Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping ?"

In order to re-coup from last week's drama, Katie has suggested that we go up north to relax. So, guess who is going to the scary and outdoorsie Northern Wisconsin tonight?

I was told this morning that the Cabin doesn't have any plumbing. That scares me. How is this going to be relaxing again? What if I don't get my showers? You all know I have my obsessive mandatory shower issues...

Why do I get the feeling that this weekend will run much like the Newlyweds camping episode? Don't worry, there will be pics of me and my Jessica-like moments...I am sure that Katie will see to it.

Let's just hope I return in one piece, sans injury and sporting minimal mosquito bites.

The Link

For those legally minded, a treat for you!

My next BF, according to Shell...

Wisconsin, not so boring afterall...

Name Change

Random thought of the day: I think I will change my name again. Why you ask? After all, Michelle pronounceable, easily spellable, and was one of the most popular names for a girl in the 80's. Simply put, a nice, normal name and the exact reason why I change it regularly. Perhaps, I also think that I am Madonna (and always the Beyonce, in case I am confusing anyone) and can just re-invent myself at a whim.

In the 8th grade I convinced my entire class that my real name was Shelby, but when I was 3 my parents decided that they had made a terrible mistake in making me sound like a country singer and legally changed my name to Michelle. Then there was the time from 1996 to 1998 that I spelled my name Meshell just to confuse people and/or be a difficult teenager. Those years I even made the yearbook editor change the spelling of my name. In college it was back to Michelle except for my fabulous EC roomie who only called me Elle.

And then there was the whole MichelleLynn thing that lasted a month.

Now, I think it is Miche. Short, sweet, to the point.

There you have it, another name attention-getting transformation.