Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Recently Katie and Eric hosted a party. It got a little out of hand. Please view pics, they really don't need too much explanation as to why: a) ugly Christmas sweaters can be cool if it is a themed party, b) we were all terribly hung over the next day and c) mash potato fights, strawberries smeared on the wall and spilled Cosmos on the floor can lead to a hefty clean-up the next day.


If you could read the sign it would say "Keep the Christ in Christmas." It was "found" on the way to the bar.



This is Junior. He feel asleep at the bar. It was a looong day of drinking. 12 hours to be exact.



Normal people would use cutlery while dining on
Thanksgiving-esque food. Apparently our crowd wasn't the normal type. Utensils used instead of actual silverware included: a) hands (with lots of licking of other's fingers), b) a drumstick, c) a hammer, and d) a candy cane.

All Me

I know, I know. I have been a bad girl. I haven't posted in like 8 million years. Half of you have given up on me. Despair not my friends, I am back...at least for today to give you the recap of the ridiculousness that is my life.

Mitten Sniffer/Pretty Boy updates:
-Mittens secured from Mitten Sniffer over cocktails
-Pretty Boy's hair bigger than infamous Deb 'do, Elle suspects gelled spikes add 2 inches to petite frame
-Discussion re: While honesty is good, Crazy marriage talk = BAD
-Ex-model needs constant ego-boost, actually emails to ask if he is good looking enough ("yes dahling, you are pretty enough and universally good looking..")
-HK and Alicia brought in to personally confirm craziness level of Pretty Boy over drinks

Ex-BF updates:
-Viewing of "The Notebook" by HK and Elle leads to mascara smearing and need for copious amounts of kleenex. Discussion that a love such as that isn't realistic.
-Best route is to have best buddies to grow old all together in nursing home. Leads to further discussion:
-Richard and Elle apply to be HK's Sugar Babies.
-Ex-BF to be official nursing home pimp in 2059 by pushing Sugar Momma HK and her crotchety side kid Elle's wheelchairs. Trio to run amuck together.
-Run in with Richard at gym leads all dining with Alicia. Harem partially re-united again.

Friend updates:
-Happy birthday JMo and Petric!
-Dinner with HK and Alicia. Elle throws temper tantrum and bitches about evil nemesis, ghetto "Nooo she did-ent" comes out mouth.

Stalker updates:
-Premiere stalker of 2005 makes a come back. Phone convo as such:

Elle: Hello?
Phone Stalker: Elle? How are you?
E: Who is this?
PS: You don't know?
E: Nope, can't say I do
PS: Hmmm, really? You don't remember me?
E: No, should I have remembered you?
PS: Let me tell you a story to refresh your memory. There once was a girl who gave out her phone number to a boy and then never returned his calls.
E: Oh, which unlucky one are you?
PS: I am from out of state
E: Oh yes, now I remember! You are the crazy Michigan guy. You called me 8 times within a 2 week period, 3 of which happened to be the day after I met you. I believe you also told me the next day via VM that your niece was dying of hepatitis. You also called me on Valentines Day crying.
PS: Wow! You have a great memory
E: Err, your VMs were quite memorable. Why are you calling me?
PS: Because I wanted to see how you were doing. Why didn't you return my calls?
E: Because you are crazy. Really it isn't normal to call a girl 8 times without her returning your call. You should work on that.
PS: Sorry if I freaked you out.
E: Well, you did and I am fine, so you can stop calling me now.
PS: Hey, wanna get together?
E: No.

'Tis the Season

No big Deb hair by any of us, sorry to disappoint!

Saturday was a day of giving. Saturday was also a day of mischief. HK, Lisa O and I attended a charity luncheon and donned some interesting "holiday-ish" skirts, not to blend in (which sadly we did..WTF ladies of affluence?), not because it is the holiday season, but to be purely ridiculous and ironic.

There were two highlights of the day:
1) HK was complimented on her Oscar trophy-esque golden skirt with lace overlay.
2) When I checked the fur, the coat checker commented "Ohhhh, this is a nice one."

Needless to say, it was a good day. Not only did we donate to charity, but were thoroughly entertained by heavily present ugmo Christmas sweaters and the ridiculous conversations of the ladies surrounding us ("Seriously, does the charity benefactor really have to give a speech thanking us? I mean come on, we would rather just sit and talk and not have to listen to a boring speaker who is interrupting our conversation."). Yep, I think I could really enjoy being a Lunching Lady.


This is Bernice up close. Yes, we named her. We think she is/was a beaver. I suppose it could also be parts of her family too. People kept on asking if they could pet me. It was strange. I need to donate to PETA now...this is so wrong.

A Case of the Crazies

"BoyFriend" of the Week Quotes:
Yes, these were things Last Week's Insta BF had admitted to me by Friday, our second date

1) "You know you are marriage material, right?"
2) "You could totally work at Hooters."
3) "I really think you would love my dad, you need to meet him soon."
4) "I cannot lose you now."
5) "Don't worry I am keeping your mittens that you left in my car save and I smell them everyday."
6) "I will cheer for whatever team you tell me to cheer for."

Dear God! Sadly, this one isn't one of the scariest ones I have gone out with either. He honestly is a nice guy, he just apparently has no form of a filter. Perhaps he should ask Santa to toss one in his stocking this year.

A restraining order has been drafted for me just in case.

The quickie Vegas marriage to a beloved and stable companion suddenly seems a lot more sane and safe doesn't it?

Take That and Rewind it Back..

Kiddies, as per request, here is what I have been up to, kinda. Well it is the half-ass version of what I have been up to.

No, I haven't died.
No, I haven't crawled under a rock.

I have legit things going on, really I do. I am kinda important at somethings I guess. Whatever. Anyway...


*Karaoke with Shelly: Madonna and The Bangles will never been quite the same;

*Mom wears Velour to lunch date with daughter, Elle either horrified or intrigued;

*Dreams dashed of being Millionaire contestant after Elle fails to win office jeopardy game at holiday party. Parting prize a $15 Starbucks gift card;

*Male friend accused of being boyfriend again by office, Andy still just the best non-date "date;"

*Asymmetrical tops still ugly as sin and should NEVER be worn; and



*Trip to Chicago yields eating glowing gummy worms with Jenna, dirty martinis at Le Bar, meeting Jenna's soul mate, and "shaking my shit in front of Neighbor Nate's Door..."

Up next: Look for a post sometime next week regarding the charity luncheon with some of the state's finest lunching ladies. Accomplices HK and Lisa O to wear hideous holiday velvet dresses along with yours truly. Another "Big Deb Hair" appearance might be arranged for too. There will also be a fur coat to wear. Yes, an alum heard about our mischievous antics and to help us look totally ridiculous lent me her ugly spare fur. Sometimes I love causing trouble. Get jazzed. This should be good.