Dr. Richard Kimble (with a mullet)

There is something wrong with the fact that I watched part of the marathon last night on A & E, isn't there? I really can't help it, this show is mesmerizing. There is just something refreshing about watching ex-cons with bad tattoos (who eerily enough resemble the modern day Adam's Family) take down fugitives with mace and Jesus talk. Perhaps this facination stems from being a bounty hunter in a former life, ah hell, who am I kidding? I probably was one of the crackheads that they bust. Damn.

And the Oscar goes to....

In honor of the 77th Academy Awards, here are the weekend highlights, Oscar style.

Best Addiction: Hookahs at Sigara
(Round 2 shared with Wendi and Jenna)
Best Conversation: The Trailer park discussion
(The difference in between a double-wide and a single-wide, education provided by W and J)
Best Transportation: Ray St. Ray, the Singing Cab Driver
Best Dramatic Exit: Angie, Morgan's apt building "friend"
(who threw a SCREAMING temper tantrum at The Gramercy)
Best Entertainment: Arm Wrestling with Morgan at Le Bar
Best Drink: Le Bar's Grey Goose Dirty Martini with Bleu cheese olives
Biggest Creep/Troll of the Week: Morgan's other apt building acquaintance Jack
(who used the following lines on Saturday night):

1-"It's cold"
(when I asked him why he was trying to hold me)
2-"Can I have some water?"
(after walking me home, in front of my apartment building)
3-"I have to go to the bathroom"
(when I told him that he had to wait outside my door while I grabbed him a water bottle)
4-"There are too many lights in your apartment"
(After bathroom break, trying to romance me)
5-"Can I tuck you in?"
(when I told him I was tired and that he had to go home)
6-"There aren't any cabs now, can I stay here?"
(after I rejected his advances)

As always, fabulous and interesting weekend was had (minus troll boy Jack and his unrequited love).

Why thank you, you are beautiful too!

Meat-heads

And this is the exact reason why I stopped working there: the lovely clientele.

Sweet Home Alabama

If Alabama wasn't one of those gun-toting/bible-beating red states, I would totally move there. Not only does this state have an official booze (Conecuh Ridge whiskey, whatever that might be), it also has an official fresh-water, as well as a salt-water fish, official folk dance(there were more kinds other than square dancing??), official outdoor drama (Who wouldn't love a play entitled "The Incident at Looney's Tavern?") and an official horseshoe tourney, just to name a few fabulous reasons. Hmm....I wonder if they have a an official State Cow Chip Throw (and yes, that is my father pictured in the middle under the 1995 winners...)? I would really feel like I was at home then.

Court Holiday Blues....

It is never a good sign for the things to come when your Monday horoscope says this:

Scorpio

Parts of your life are apt to clash in a huge explosive breakdown today, dear Scorpio. Be careful when driving or operating anything having to do with fire or explosives. The atmosphere today is just that: explosive. Actions you take now may set off a whole chain of violent reactions that may be difficult to tame once they get underway. Return to your center as often as possible in order to calm your more aggressive tendencies.

I knew I should have skipped work today....

Oh and yes, in case you were wondering, I work most court holidays, even though they more so affect my job rather than you fashion/advertising types who happen to have today off...bitches....

Arabian Nights

Saturday (the re-cap):
1-Opium-like den visited,
2-"Condoms" used, (Hookah condoms, get your mind out of the gutter)
3-Hookahs smoked,
3-A birthday celebrated (Happy early Birthday Lizzie!),
4-Strip club visit pondered,
5-Sleepover had.

...But I do use my Poli Sci Major..

Oh that's just great Bushy! Another fab-u-lous bill that you signed into law. You are so very right, it is great to protect big (ie corrupt) corporations from taking responsibility for their wrongdoings.

And your rational behind this: many class action lawsuits are frivolous. Your unfounded reasoning scares me. Class action lawsuits are filed for a variety of reasons, and to group them all into one neat little pile is ridiculous and irresponsible. What frightens me more though, is your desire to next cure that pesky asbestos litigation. Are saying that you are willing to compromise the health and lives of many who suffer from something that has no effective treatment?

Once wisely proclaimed by Lincoln that the United States is "by the people, of the people, and for the people," you have dismissed this logic and now made this nation even more so friendly to big business instead of the small folks. Way to go.

English Majors Unite!

The following email was sent by darling Stefanie, who not only has a love of fashion, but now apparently a love for proper grammar as well. Congrats on actually using your English major, I am yet to use it in the real world.

Gotta love ya, you saucy girl!


From: Stefanie [EMAIL ADDRESS DELETED]
To: ER@NBCUNI.com
Subject: Grammer Fixer-Upper

Following last night's episode of ER (2-17-05), you used the word "Brung" in the preview for next week's episode. According to Webster's Dictionary BRUNG is NOT a word in the English language - it is "BROUGHT!" Thank you for stupefying America!

Stefanie
[BUSINESS DELETED]

If this guy wouldn't have said that he was 42, I would have sworn that it was the most recent guy I unfortunately went on a date with. You think I am kinding, but sadly, I am not... My curiousity and obsession with blind dates needs to stop, I can't take any more trolls.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: No, I did not go on a date with a guy who has a fetish for garden decorations, my date merely resembled a garden gnome]

Proof that once in a while you can see the wheels spinning as a devious plan is being hatched. Ok, so I haven't posted a picture in a while and I have nothing better to post today...

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder....

Another reason why Repubicans are WRONG! Baby Bushy, do you and your Christian cronies have any other bright ideas?

I don't even know where to begin with Valentine's Day 2005. I don't think that it is possible for me to make a co-hesive blog entry about the evening, you wouldn't believe it anyway. If you want the whole dish you are going to have to email me.

J and W thank you for making VD2005 very memorable and a whole lot of fun!

Love of a Lifetime...

What a happy Valentine's day story!

Yuck.

But just remember before you judge kids, "she's not a pedophile, she's a 'Vili-phile."

Look, you can even chip in to make sure this happy couple has a nice life together!

My Valentine's Day dates, yes dates...

I have the hottest 2 dates for Valentine's Day this year! Ok fine, when I say "dates" it might just mean Jenna and Wendi. Regardless we have fabulous plans with pics tomorrow. [EDITOR'S NOTE: No pics were taken, we weren't sneaky enough to get away with it]

On another note, and you wonder why I don't often date in Chicago. How unfortunate that I do not fulfill his reqs: I can't spell, I am too short, and too old...

The Weekend Buzz....

Buzz Club=Buzz Kill

Buzz Club also equals:

Old ladies with bad mall fried hair;
Creepy old men rubbing up on anything female;
Screechy Irish jig music (that even this Irish girl couldn't stand) prior to the DJ;
Pleated pants and tucked in shirts; and
A Kelly Osbourne look-a-like (prior to rehab).

Being fair I will say that we did snag VIP seating, got free drinks, and had our picture taken celebrity style. Afterall, good things happen when you are the only ones dressed appropriately at a club...

No joke...

This is no joke. Our "A Team" is almost complete. On top of needing a gay asian male, we also need a handicapped person and then our eclectic group will take over the world, or at least Chicago. Oh, now that I am thinking about it, add the following to our shopping list as well: Euro-trash, a millionare, and perhaps a Buddhist for some quality Zen time.

Noooooooooo!

Damn the Cubs! I have no reason to love you anymore! First you trade Wendi's boyfriend Alou, and then whiney but still fabulous Sosa and now you went and really out did yourself...you traded MY boyfriend too???

I guess I am back to being a Brewers girl....back to the roots, are you happy now dad? I will now be wearing my Geoff Jenkins shirt on the Cubbies home opener against the Brew Crew.

Swim Fan...

Times that you have called me (4) should be significantly less than the days that I have known you (5). Michigan Stalker, stop calling me!!

Great, one of my Celeb matches is Joey Lawrence!

The full list:

Shane McDermott 98% (an actor who hasn't had a movie since '93)
Alessandro Del Piero 98% (an Italian soccer player)
Andruw Jones 97% (Plays for the Atlanta Braves....boo)
Jonathan Jackson 97% (a soap actor)
Joey Lawrence 97% (Whoa!)

There goes my chance of marrying a celebrity...

Weekend Warriors

My weekend in review, the major points:

Turkish movie producers met: 1
Gurhaan "Al" Gurkin, looked a lot like Christian Slater, that is his strange, older, bastard half-brother who scares young children.

Funny Valentines made at the MCA's First Fridays: 3

Borderline stalkers met at a bar: 1
And he was from Michigan too!

Number of times stalker called within a 20 hour period: 3
Call 1- Drunk Dial, 5 am, left rambling voicemail;
Call 2- no apologies for drunk dial, no voicemail left; and
Call 3- In voicemail sounds like he is going to cry, talks about family drama and his niece who has Hepatitis B, and says he will call me later to make plans.

People waiting at late night Walk-up Window at Wrigleyville McDonald's: 15

Madonna Impersonaters waiting in line behind me: 1
As well as a guy who dripped Big Mac on my shoes that he called "like Dorothy's ruby red slippers, except purple and more ethnic"

Times asked if I was in college: 3
Yep, I still look 21!

Cabbies who decided to give me love advise: 2
And both of them gave me their numbers and promised to be my personal cabbie whenever I need one.

"Yuppie" Beers consumed while watching Super Bowl: 1
Really it isn't that bad.

Stomachs upset by my cooking: 2
I can't even make pre-made, pre-cut Splenda cookies right! I even followed the directions.

Drinks spilled on my carpet by Wendi: 1
Adding to her total of 14 since 2002. Hey, at least she didn't accidentally flush my contacts down the drain this week!

Kari, Wendi and Stef-

I don't care what you delusional Michiganders say. Wisconsin is not a down syndrome mitten.

Throwing the Craze...

Are you serious? How cute, you silly Iraqi militants! I am so proud of you! This looks to be on par with a my first feature video (umm, oops, really I swear, not what you are thinking....) with highlights that include marionetted Barbies via fishing wire, music by my tape-deck (I believe the song Funkytown was being blared), lighting by flashlight and a sand-box beach. Wow, you kids are getting so smart and grow up so quickly! Now if we can just get you to stop pointing your toy guns at people, my momma always told my brother that that was rude and wrong.