OLD news...

Everyone, this is HK. Today she turns kinda old. She made me promise not to post a potentially embarrassing picture, as I am apparently known to do. Promise kept, as I heart her for sending me some pretty damn funny pictures. The kind that are so hideously unattractive that you make you shutter before you look away. Pretty fucking sweet! Anyway, darling HK Happy Birthday!


Happy Birthday Psycho Hose Beast...err, I mean HK!

Cat-astrophy

A certain someone recently suggested that I tend to order things off infomercials. I would like to inform you all that today I saw this on a commercial and I did not but it. My rational was tri-fold: it made me cringe, it upset my stomach/ gave me the sudden urge to vomit my tasty microwave meal dinner, and it might have even seared my peepers. Such a visual made me actually throw my sandal at my flat screen with the hopes that I could make this disturbing thing go away. It didn't work and now I have that jingle stuck in my head and a shoe mark on my TV. If you dare to listen, and subsequently are willing to also have the song dancing in your head all day, scroll down this site, there is a sound button for your listening pleasure.

Wendi, just be glad I didn't see this until today, otherwise I would have shipped off to Japan for your birthday. I probably would have also including a framed copy of the infamous WI legislation regarding cats.

Football Saturday

Badgers 23, Wolverines 20
I really cannot explain what happened on Saturday. It is not that I cannot understand Wisconsin beating Michigan in a nail-biting game in the last minute (hey, it was bound to happen eventually), it more along the lines of the day as a whole was a little out of focus. The fun started at Noon on the Terrace, the game started at 5:00pm, and I didn't get home until 1:30am...you figure it out. There were definitely stops at the KK, Madison's BBQ, Brats and Feathers somewhere in between as well. For what I cannot express in words, I can express in photos. Enjoy the madness...


Seriously, I cannot take this girl anywhere. This isn't the first time this has happened either...


We made the mistake of being nice to a Michigan fan when everyone else was being mean to him. We were repaid in: our choice of music on the juke, the attempted theft of my shades, and sloppy kisses.


Victory! Yes, those are tears of joy, jerk. It was a loong and emotional day, shut up!


This is Madison, this is Michelle. Look at their coordinated shirts and matching zombie stares. Scary.

The Summer of Sorority Sister Weddings, Part III

The Couple

My date: Andy, again, the perma-wedding date

The story: Carissa and Adam met During Homecoming 2000 when our sorority was paired with his fraternity. Yes, this is the second wedding of the summer to involve that ongoings of that week. Rumor has it that when Carissa first was introduced to Adam she accused him of being a freshmen as she was known to frequent his house's parties, and yet still didn't know of him. Little did she know, he was a Senior and the fraternity pres. Ooops, social faux pas anyone?

The review: A glowing Carissa wore a beautiful dress that only few in this world could wear, damn you teeny tiny girls!

The highlights: A boot was passed throughout the entire reception hall, Adam and his mom polka-ed for the Mother/Son dance (that's awesome, seriously!), Carissa had her first dance with Adam choreographed (it was very impressive to say the least), a tear-jerking rendition of Varsity was sang, and no one left the reception until we got kicked out. All-in-all, a great time.

The pics:


What are the lyrics to that damn Wedding song again?


Give me a Kiss HK!
____________________________________________
Yes, the story was a bit belated! I got lazy. As much as I loved the Summer of Sorority Sister Weddings, I am glad to say that this was the last one! Congrats to all, and for the rest of you, stop getting engaged, you are making us singletons an endangered species!

When Animals Attack

Ahhh, isn't promoting women's freedom to choose cute?

Bless the people who came up with this idea and then filled downtown with 500 plaster rhinoceros' scrawled with pro-choice messages in the middle of the night! What a pleasant surprise to find 5 of these creatures on my walk to work this morning.

Ahhhh, nothing like good ole liberal Madison!

Dating Disaster (as Usual)

Yesterday I had a lunch date with an extended family member. She of course asked if I was dating anyone, to which I rolled my eyes and told her my latest dating horror story...

The current dating misadventures include: 1) a date with a guy who once considered a career in the religious services industry and 2) a guy who plans on milking unemployment for a while. Had I known such crucial information about them prior, obviously I would have made myself perma-busy every time they would ask to hang out....or perhaps changed my phone number.

Really can you see me with either? The Minister? What he saw in me, his polar opposite, I don't know if I will ever understand (trust me, he knew what he was getting himself into prior to our first official date). My only logical explanations: perhaps he is one of those do-gooder types that enjoys saving the wicked, maybe it would afford him some brown points with the big guy. Or maybe he is the kind of guy that enjoys dating the "project/fixer-upper," I myself like a good "project" to work on, but seriously, I don't think he is going to be able to turn water into wine when dealing with me (though I could appreciate a good glass of wine now, oops, see there I go...).

And don't even get me started about the unemployment prince. Ambitions are required and not negotiable, asshole.

I swear I don't pick these guys up hanging out at gas station...

I forgot to mention the minister said my domineering personality made me more so the "alpha male type" in comparison to him. Wait, what is that all about? Seriously, let's break this down. I am pretty sure that this means he would then be the self-admitted bitch of the situation. Oh geez, now I feel bad (and perhaps realize that I am potentiality giving myself bad karma for shit-talking the Jesus type)... I should say, the Minister is nothing but sweet, (and what girl can't appreciate that?) he is just not right for me.

Oh yes, and the jobless dude had to have been strung out on our date. Neat. Lovely picture, yes?

Anyway....

After she laughed at me and my situation she then tried to hook me up with a construction worker as we walked back to work. Ugg. I give up.

Today she sent me this link to be funny. Great now I just have to just carry around a little DNA test kit in my purse. My pick up like could be, "Hey baby, what's your DNA like?" Or maybe I could just be more forward and ask to swab some cells from their mouth. Not really sure which one I will try this weekend.

Though it is very much belated, Happy Birthday to my favorite little party girl Wendi! Kisses!

I stand corrected....

Apparently a past post has offended a few. Fair enough...I can take what was said.

Please let me explain....

Kyle, offense was not meant, that wasn't the intend of the post. The post if you read it as a whole was about things happening that shocked me that all seemed to happen all at the same time. It was not poking fun at you, though I suppose it could seem that way. I will admit to hearing that you had lost a lot of weight, and that was something that I did not know you were working on, so yes, I was shocked to hear that you were much different.

While I haven't seen in person, I have heard that you do look great. Good for you, especially if you are happy and successful, which it sounds that you are. The skinny girl comment was a quote from someone who apparently ran into you with your GF, and was an observation, not a slant. Once again not intended to be a put down by any means.

My most sincere apologies. The post has been since deleted since to avoid hurtful feelings. And yes, Vauk does rock.

Rest in Peace

Another one bites the dust....

Today marks the death of the Ipod Mini, my most favorite toy ever. I nearly cried when I read that my Pink Lady had become obsolete and is no longer being sold by Apple. Ipod Nano, ha! What kind of name is that? Stupid new and improved technology. I just figured out how my Mini worked. Damn you and your conspiracies evil Apple.

R.I.P. Ipod Mini, your constant companionship brought me much joy in the last 8 months.

A Labor of Love

Labor Day Weekend Adventure: The Minnesota version

Friday 5pm-10pm: A looooong day on job results in a massive migraine, it was suggested I take a Tylenol PM to knock myself out for the night's road trip to the Twin Cities. Wouldn't David and Andy then get to enjoy some much appreciated quiet-like-ness for the entire 4 hour trip?

10:00pm-1:00am: Our evening's Twin Cities hostess Anne, was already out at the bars as we rolled into the city. With luggage quickly strewn about her apartment, we were off to see one of The Cities finest drinking establishments. Quickly I was introduced to a few tasty Mojitos followed by the dangerous CL Sake Bomb...



Forced to wear stupid bandanas for doing the Sake bomb:


And then there was running through a sprinkler system at 2:00am while on the way home. It was hot out....


2:00am-Some ungodly hour: Anne, the little prankster that she is, introduced a nearly sleeping Andy to a buzzing machine, Michelle of course blamed for "Jolt" of terror.

The Summer of Sorority Sister Weddings, part II

My date: Andy, the bestest date for evs

The story: Stacee met Allen at the military base church while both were deployed in Saudi Arabia. Damn, that is cute.

The review: Stacee had never looked more beautiful or more content. I honestly don't think I have ever been this happy for anyone my whole life. Congrats SA, I knew you would find your much deserved prince charming!

The highlights:
Saturday 11:00am-1:00pm: Lacking in sleep department. Brain feels partially melted. Craving for a decent length nap, warm PJs, a tasty DC, McDonald's grease, axe pic to be removed from my head, in no particular order.

2:30pm: Arrive late to Stacee's wedding, forced to sit in the back like the degenerates we are. Have a sinking feeling that I am directly going to hell for swearing accidentally on church premises multiple times. Vows were exchanged, I sob uncontrollably, so much so the woman sitting in front of us, turns around. Dang, a good wedding gets to me, what do you want?! Soon it is Communion time and I am of course distracted with my compact mirror as my dripping tears of joy has caused my mascara to make me look like a raccoon. And yes, I realize make-up application while in church is also hell-bound worthy. Realizing the Communion line was rapidly approaching the front, a cat-like leap over my companions was necessary. I clomped in my ill-fitting bastard heels in a Michelleish manner down the aisle. Bride Stacee, then facing the alter, later laughed as she divulged that she knew it was me causing the commotion as I high-tailed it for the "blessed sacrament." Excellent, perhaps me being as ass was also caught on tape!

3:30pm- Wedding ends, hugs exchanged, rice thrown. God apparently forgave me for all the days wrong-doings as I am miraculously cured of the venomous plauging me post church. I felt so much better and soon realize starvation mode kidding in, so much so that my cold untouched McDonald's burger which was left in the car during the wedding was eaten. Even Andy, king of eating 4 day old pizza that has been sitting on his coffee table the entire time, was grossed out. I didn't care. I was hungry.

5:00pm-12:00am- Reception dance, inevitably Yeah!, the theme song from the 2004 Baltimore Adventure with Alicia is played, lyrics screamed, dancing proceeds. Alicia's momma finds the photo opp funny, and clicks away. Great, the scrapbook from hell...

A few photos from the Reception:


Stacee gets her man, while Alicia actually gets Klabanoff to dance


The UW crew in attendance

Stop it, You're Bugging Me!

Doing my patriotic duty, killing nasty Cicadas, one at a time...

Thursday evening: It was a beautiful night, and wasting another night on my couch would be an insult to one of the last remaining fabulously tempered evenings of the year. J. Mo came to pick me up for a late night boozing rendezvous. I leisurely stroll out my apartment complex double doors, smile on my face and glide in my step. J. Mo was parked in the semi-circle out front. I waved to her as I pushed open the door, and instead of a mutual pleasant exchange, she screamed the most horrified of all screams. Puzzled I look around to see what could cause her such terror.....

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ is all I heard. And then all the sudden a SWOOOOOOOP in front of my face. I looked down and landed at my feet is the monster of all bugs. It was huge and dinosaur-like. It had sharp toofers (that is Michelle-speak for teeth, people). I think it even growled at me. I swear it even tried to take a bite out of my leg.

Knowing that if the prehistoric creature were to get into my building, it would use it's canine sense and having gotten a good whiff of my pheromones could track the scent back to my apartment, whip out an axe, break into my apartment, and take up residence as a squatter. This couldn't happen. I went to beat it with my shoe, but then I remembered that my shoes were expense and stained bug juice just wouldn't suit them. So, I fought back the only way I knew how.....I found the garden hose and power-sprayed the sucker into an early death. It felt good. Now if I could just do the same to assholes I date...

I am so glad I parked next to a car who had this pasted to it's bumper this morning:



Screw Air Force One! This apparently is Baby Bushie's favorite mode of transportation. Who would have thought?