Brain Drain

Every time I talk to Joseph I get a migraine. He makes my head spin, and not in the good way. Often times I wonder why I continue to befriend him. The kid drives me mad, but I have found that I love to hate him mostly because he is the most ridiculous person I have ever met. So today, in defense/celebration/to make fun of Joseph, for your reading pleasure, I would like to share with you the nonsensical level that he brings and the endless source of entertainment he provides me. Here is a sample of the things we argued about for an two hours last night on the phone:

1. Whether or not he will have to divulge his arrest for harassing a cabbie prior to taking the bar exam;
   
2. Why he is a selfish stubborn bastard;
   
3. His political take-over of the world (trust me it is frightening, he is a bad democrat);
   
4. Why he loves Brunettes with blue eyes (my lucky day!);
   
5. Whether or not a certain red-head hooked up with his friend, creepy naked Jeremy and/or his roomie Jolie on the dance floor of Spoon;
   
6. Why I should be his wing woman to help him “skirt chase;”
   
7. Why he should be considered a minority because he is half Spanish (as in from Spain, not Mexico);
   
8. Why he adores me when I tell him that I detest him;
   
9. Why he should be my Sugar Daddy; and
   
10. How he is going to have to pay me off to keep quiet once he is famous and powerful.
    

With friends like these, you wonder why I am the way I am....

Pink Slip

Dear John Stocco-

You’re Fired. You have the heart, but that doesn’t change the fact that you cannot throw. This has been an incredible season (minus crumbling at the end), but it has nothing to do with your efforts. You will never be a Brooks Bollinger or Darrel Bevell or while we are at it, you won't even be a slimey and terrible Mike Samuel. Don't take it personally, it is best for the team.

Sincerely,

Barry Alverez

Ethiopian Dinner Adventure

For some reason I was unable to convince Wendi to eat the huge hunk of mystery caveman meat from her half of the Ethiopian dish. Way to spoil the fun Wendi...


But then again, I couldn't be convinced either...

Two Former Delta Dream Men now on Michelle's Bastard List

CHICAGO-Task was added to Michelle’s Bastard List on Tuesday for gossiping and not even bothering to get it right. This extensive list, launched in the fall of 1998, has approximately 50 "lucky" members.

Task's fate as a friend is hopeful, as a full recovery is expected, unlike the other former Delta Dream Man, Mikey, who is currently serving a life sentence on the list for being a general idiot and bad friend.

I worry sometimes...

And here I thought that Darwinism actually worked.... Some people are so stupid.

Also...

This could explain why Britney doesn't write her own songs.

First sign of Spring?

Check out this pic...does this look familiar to you? The famous Michelle ponytail is back with a vengeance! No more short hair for me. Finally, I feel like myself again!

Blue Moon

Poor Madison, it has been a hard month for you! This is all the proof I need to show that a Republican government (and now losing to Michigan State) is bad for your health. Cheer up, darling Madison, it (hopefully) can't get any worse. Just know that you are a better city than all those red-neck cities for being so fabulously liberal (even if it means that many of your citizens still think Ralph Nader would make a good president).

Things to look forward to..

And the countdown begins....

22 days until the LSAT is done
147 days until the first Cubs home game (against the Brewers too!)
221 days until the first official day of summer
1,452 days until we can get rid of GW Bush

Local Paralegal Gone Missing

CHICAGO- Area Plaintiff’s personal injury law firm is questioning the whereabouts on AWOL employee and newest hire, Jeannie. The firm’s second (and far less superior) paralegal began working approximately 45 days ago after quitting her stint at a nemesis Defense law firm. After calling in sick for 5 consecutive days, she stopped bothering to call this week. Speculation has begun that Jeannie is a spy extorting information for rival law firm. Other theories include: she is strung out after a drug/booze binge rendering her unable to move, locked up in a Mexican jail, abducted by aliens, in the loony bin, swimming with the fishes, or is where ever the WMDs /Osama bin Laden are.

If you have any information on this missing employee, please contact the law firm’s Head Paralegal, Michelle, who has changed her permanent residence to the law firm, as she is once again drowning in work.

Adventures this weekend included going to a meat market, a political debate that ended with me saying that I was going to kill Molly's High school friend, gossiping about the the scandal du jour (oh and there are some good ones as of late...), and climbing up the side of an apartment building to look into a window.

Fannypack Siting

Oh yes, the saga continues...

Wendi and I spied the model from Brazil, affectionally nicknamed "Fannypack" last night while going to see a movie. Thanks to the the recent dye job, an embarressing run-in was avoided. Being incognito did allow us to stare and laugh uncontrollably at him as he rode down the escalator, once again proving that we are going to hell for being bitches.

Unfortunately, the fanny pack was not on display last night, much to Wendi's disappointment.

Two of the many Illinois Democrat Cheerleaders. Apparently wearing our Democrat "Very 4 Kerry" and "Kerry Me Home" shirts wasn't enough last night... I knew we should have gone to one of the swing states to make out with the undecided boys...damn. What were we thinking?

Patience is not a virtue I have...

I think I missed the day in Catholic grade school when virtues were discussed. I am pretty sure because of my absense, now I am lacking such morality (that might explain all the vices). Oops. For my inept relgious education, please forgive me.....I lack patience.

I have been obsessively clicking on CNN.com. I have been calling people to remind them to vote (that means you little brother....). I had been biting my finger nails and tapping my feet (that might be the caffine though). I have made plans to watch all the polls close with Jenna, Wendi and Kari. I will be wearing my "Kerry me home" shirt. I have been talking politics all damn day.

Can the suspense be over yet? Can Kerry just win already? God, politicing drives me mad. Jenna, put in an order for a Grey Goose Dirty Martini for me...I will want one exactly at 7 pm.

It is time to send the cowboy back to the ranch in Texas. Kerry me home today! Check this out for today's political fodder: www.kirktoons.com.