What Happens in Vegas Doesn't Always Stay in Vegas

In a wild turn of events, a possible plot to run off to Vegas and get hitched was actually considered today. Yes, a total Brit move. Who is the potential beau? Well now, that is my little secret.... You are going to have to drag it out of JMo who encouraged the not-so-sane scheme today via IM in a three way convo. JMo apparently has career potential as a Yenta.

Sorry, Tasky and previously stated and now confirmed, I will not be marrying one of the two that we discussed on Monday night.

Once again it is validated that I should be taking the crazy person meds.

Free at Last

I think we all know about my little crush. So I just want to say I knew it.

Don't you think a nice Midwest girl could do him good at present?

Now, all I need is an introduction (Stef?).

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

When I said I wanted a small dog to tote around in my purse, this is not what I had in mind. Smart-asses.

RIP, Ugmo dog-rat mutant, RIP.

Token of Appreciation

Seriously, could my hair be any bigger?

I have been many things in my life, but coming from a small town in Wisconsin where everyone is German or Irish, Catholic or Lutheran, standing out in a crowd based on heritage was not something that I experienced in the first 18 years of my life. My dairy-rific town was a bit carbon copy prone, unfortunately. Needless to say, most of my life I managed to avoid being "the token" one at any given event.

This past weekend I can tell you I was in the interesting and obvious minority. This weekend I attended my first Jewish wedding with Task. I had the honor of being the token Shiksa. I swear I heard the "One of these things is not like the other things...." song played by the band at the reception. Ok not really. And actually I had a great time. Plus we all know I love attention. Being slightly different most definitely got me that. I even learned several things from this experience:
1) Task was right, they all knew I was the Goyeh. Apparently big church Deb-ish hair was one of the 800 dead giveaways. The bride even greeted me as "So you are the Shiksa date..." which of course made the three of us laugh.
2) Though I enjoy a good Catholic wedding, these folks do it right: short, sweet, to the point and no ridiculous greeting line to have to deal with post ceremony. Who can't appreciate that?
3) I have never seen so many people dance for hours on end at a reception before and it wasn't to the stupid-should-be-outlawed-chicken-dance either, thank god.
4) I actually knew several people at the reception. For once I actually was grateful having lived in the Towers.
5) It is possible to cry at a wedding even when you have never met the bridal couple. Seriously it was a touching ceremony, shut-up and stop laughing at me!

I Got Nothing...

I am too damn busy to think of anything witty and/or interesting to write. I have resorted back to my college days and am the ultimate sorority girl again meaning that come Thursday night I will have had seven days in a row of sorority meetings/duties/events. God, I really am crazy to through myself back into this alumni style. Secretly I enjoy it, just don't tell anyone...

So with lack of interesting stories in my life, due to well honestly not having a life at present, I present to you the Chicago Girl Band.

The Girl Band, miles apart, but together in spirit...

I miss you Wenda/Jendi a/k/a Jenna and Wendi!
Darling Band Manager, I of course miss you too.

Ice Queen

Fuck. It totally snowed. Curse this state and all states that allow for such things to happen. Perhaps a phone to to my local representative is in order. Or maybe not.

Let Them Eat Cake...

A Martha, I am not. This has been established time and time again.

Last week BetweenBars, bless her thoughtful soul, sent me an easy bake birthday cake knowing full well that without her ingenious gift, I probably would have gone without cake this year. I think with my culinary skills we all know there was no way in hell I was going to attempt making a real one. To enjoy my strawberry flavored Hello Kitty cake all I had to do was follow the directions on the box and nuke. Perfect for me, a master with the microwave.

This is what it ended up looking like:



And yes, that is cooked, I think.

Sigh....

I might be hopeless in the kitchen, but then again these were the directions I was following:




I knew I should have paid more attention when BB and Sugar were talking in their ridiculous Japanese code. Damn it.

The News in Brief:
1) JMo, Shauna B and Elle insta befriend Cali sorority sister. Per Klabanoff: "Oh God, she is just like you guys!" (followed by a heavy sigh and eye roll). Welcome Julie to our little Madison club! We heart you long time!

"Secret society....Secret society..."

2) Shauna B dances with a monkey man who literally hung from the rafters at Lexi's party. Really gives a new meaning to "this shit is bananas" when they actually were dancing to a Gwen song...ahhh, the irony.

Monkey business at it's finest...

3) Inconspicuous cereal box yields birthday gifts from the Orient. BetweenBars fails to inform Elle that box actually contained sushi utensils and not frosted flakes. Also nearly going without explanation was the kool-ade looking packets that turned out to be bath salt. It could have been Jonestown all over again. (Thank you my lovely! My birthday gifts were sweet. I love them.)


Presto Chango! Boring Snoopy cereal turns into goodies used for a japanese meal

Girls Night Out

How I spent my Friday night:

1) Sushi with JMo and Shauna B followed by an ice cream tasty treat.

Shauna B was late, JMo was spaced out, and Michelle hurdled colorful insults which shouldn't be laughed at, but were. A typical night out.

During dinner it was discussed how we need to broaden our social circle, considering our group heavily consists of ex-frat boys who would rather play Mario-Kart than enjoy and guaranteed nonsensical evening out. Yes, a Madison degenerate A-Team was discussed ripped off directly from Sugar's infamous ad placed on Chicago's craiglist. We will be taking applications. Candidates most posses the ability to not be offended easily, enjoy an adult beverage on occasion, provide quirky entertainment on each outing, can appreciate the healing properties that a good bitch fest can provide from time to time, and are motivated more than a our slug male counterparts.

2) Trip to Candidate No. 1's apartment for interview

Caroline, a brazen fox, who thinks I am hysterical. She's laid back, she's fun, and I suspect she might enjoy stirring up trouble. Conclusion: Caroline, you are so in...

Initiation ritual: Eh, we couldn't think up one...none of us were really with it. The best we could do was when her BF requested via text for a fruit roll-up drop-off at the bar he was working at, we ate the fruit roll-ups and stuffed the empty wrappers with tampons. Boys hate tampons. Comedically genius, if you ask me.


Boys are stooopid, they will never know...

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Please excuse Klabanoff from the lazy slug list. He in fact is not a lethargic stain on the couch. He frequently can be found out on the town with us ladies, even if it is just to make fun of us. Everyone else while it was lovely having you out on Tuesday, please make your presence known more often]

World’s scariest baseball card courtesy of JMo’s humility and the Miller Lite Girls at the Gritty:

The Queen Bee (for a day or two)

Don't mess with me, I sting when provoked!

Even though I don't care to admit to being a year older, it is true, yesterday was my 26th birthday. Birthdays, as described via email to Sunday Girl and Sarah, are Princess Days. One gets to do whatever she so pleases on her birthday without social consequence. So being the "special" person that I am, I named myself Queen Bee indefinitely of all November 1sts. That's right, my rules for 24 hours straight, scary, yes.

Conveniently enough, I also named myself the Queen Bee of the slutty looking Bees buzzing on parade on State for Mad Town's 2005 Halloween. I was the only clever one wearing a tiara, so yes, I was allowed to claim the title.


"Debaucherous" The one word email I was sent after a friend viewed our Halloween Ofoto pics...

My Day

Holidays today: All Saint's Day, The Day of the Dead

People that were born today: Jenny McCarthy, Lyle Lovett, Anthony Kiedis (who lost his virginity on his 12th birthday..), and everyone's favorite Larry Flint (ironic given the Catholic holiday isn't it?).

Today in History: The Sistine Chapel opens exhibiting Michelangelo's frescoed ceiling and the EU was created.

Today is bound to be an interesting day.....

Face Lick Worthy

Rhett, the prettiest man alive (pic courtesy of TR's front row posse action)

So in the not so distant past I might have been known for making fun of BetweenBars and Tequila Red for their "cult-like obsession with crap-ass bands I have never heard of." During my tenure in Chicago it can be safely said that on a 100 occasions I rolled my eyes, sighed loudly, cursed them for not Gold Coasting it up with me on concert nights, and of course loudly refused to go every time they tried to drag me to a show. I was sure I never ever wanted to listen to their weird music. After all, BB is the one who subjected me to Teegan and Sarah who made my brain bleed, really I swear. Because of this, I was long convinced the only neutral ground Indie loving BB and me, the Pop Princess, would only ever agree on was JT, Brit, Kelly Clarkson, and the random Liz song that I enjoy screaming at the top of my lungs, Polyester Bride. Needless to say, the music on our road trips was always an eclectic mix between the two of us...especially when I was forced to serenaded her with Chain of Fools in my best Aretha voice because we couldn't agree on any common music that day.

Anyway, I digress...

As I near 26, elder wisdom appears to be oozing out of me lately. From what I have learned in the past is that the best wise people can admit when they are wrong. So ladies for you.........yes, I admit it, Rhett is man pretty. Rhett is funny. Rhett is charming. And damn it, I do want to lick his face, a lot! You might have been right along.

Rhett is talented, his songs still make me want to jump off a bridge though. Don't let it get to your heads! Just remember, it is rare when I am wrong. I still contend Trixies over Hipsters any day, Bucky Badger always trumps Touchdown Jesus (sorry about that God), and sorority life is more fun than the GID lifestyle.

Anyway, Tequila, Concert Josh and Madison thank you for enlightening me last night at the Rhett concert. Also thanks to Belle and F (the only non-blogger of the social circle last night) for losing their Rhett virginity with me, you were gentle.

Homecoming 2005

Friday night reunion at the Dane

Visiting Purdouche Bags were put on alert...The College Crew was back in Madison for the weekend in full force to celebrate homecoming. The old school kiddies ransacked bars, 10 boots were drank by 10 people (at least that was the last count we could collectively remember), sorority and fraternity houses visited, too much pizza was eaten and memories re-lived. Ahhh, it's good to be us!


Re-living the College Days when we could actually handle a drink in each hand

And the rest of the weekend, a pictorial:

Left: Tsk, Tsk...no more drinkies! Right: Divo: The Sugar Daddy Atty


Left: I win! My first finished boot. Right: Task prior to passing out at the Essen


Left: Are you happy now Bangser? Right: HK, looking hot, so hot I think someone should make out with her on my couch as I scream and then make fun of you....just a thought..

Question: What does this Minxy crew have in common?




Answer: They all have/had birthdays this week.

Happy Birthday Lisa O, Jenna, Sarah and Molly my darling fellow Scorps, love ya!

WEEK FROM HELL!

What I have done this week so far....

Sunday- Field Trip to the ER
Pro: HOTT doctor took care of me.
Con: I started talking crazy after I was injected with a form of morphine.

Monday- Off to work because I am stubborn and ridiculous
Pro: Got to go home because the office manager loves me/was still a little loopy in the head.
Con: Didn't get to watch a single trashy talk show because I slept the entire day.

Tuesday- Back to work, again, this time for real, kinda
Pro: Started to tackle the pile on my desk, got to take nap at work (see below).
Con: Turned ghost white and nearly fainted during a presentation.

Wednesday- Busy Bee Day!
Pro: Got a million things done including the part of desk pile, sent out an Evite, fixed someone else's mess at work, bought Halloween costume and much needed ink cartridges, and made Shauna B wear a stupid hat just so I could laugh at her during our shopping excursion.
Con: Mini-anxiety attack several times today and nearly lost my cute little Prada purse at the Halloween store.

Yes, it is just been a Fan-freaking-tastic week, in the most sacastic way. Thank God the weekend starts tomorrow with Task's arrival in Madison!

Sorry to my bestie SB, apparently I am a cruel, cruel person when stressed out.

Love you long time!

Paul hearts Madison

Holy fucking shit! God loves Barry.

Bring The Axe back to Madison.

Pre-Qualified

That is it. Last night signaled the last two “hanging-outs” that I ever go on. Gone are the days of pseudo-dating and/or giving the weaklings a chance. If you are male and your are not already my friend or a friend of one of my close friends, I don’t want to see you, talk to you, befriend you and especially not “ hang out” and pseudo-date you. Men, minus my male cohorts whom I love dearly, are all idiots, hell even the beloved ones have been known to be stupid at times, but at least I know they have redeeming qualities that make me eventually forgive them. Why it has taken my so long to realize this kind of scares me. I will call it optimism, not naivety.

Yes, from this point forward, men must now be pre-qualified in order to even be welcome into the social circle.

Yep, last nights two hanging outings went that well....

Date #1: I called off the coffee consumption after 45 minutes, yes it was that terrible that I couldn’t even give him a full hour of my life. If you keep on persisting that “we must hang out” even when I tell you repeatedly that I have little time in an attempt to discourage your wooing, finally convince me to get coffee, talk a big game on IM about your “crazy lifestyle” (as a kindergarten teacher....right), and then cannot even give me decent eye contact or make interesting convo, I will hate you. I will then make you squirm. In 45 minutes I managed to talk politics and religion. I scared him with my lefty liberal talk and bash the emperor G Doub, who he voted for twice. On purpose. I think my favorite part of the night was when he said that military benefits were an important decision in his political views because his brother is in the Armed Forces. Hmmmm, someone tell me if I am wrong, but I am pretty sure that the Republicans are the ones who are notorious for cutting Vet’s benefits. Bastards. You’re an idiot. Get your issues straight. The only positive thing that I have to say about this guy is that he had lovely teeth.

Date #2: If someone were to, let’s say, verbalize the following: “Hey Elle, you know there is this cool event at Mercury tomorrow night, you should totally come with us,” followed by exiting the salon with me for the sole purpose to ask me to dinner, and then agreeing to call the next day to arrange a time to meet up for the event, wouldn’t you think, “Hey great, sounds like Thursday night is going to be a good time?” Yea, or not so much. You cannot quasi-ask to hang out with me and then not call me with the meet up time, it was your idea dumbass, not mine. I will then also have to hate you too. I will then gather Shauna B and her co-workers to go to the function with me, inform you about your membership to my exclusive bastard list and then proceed to have a good time sans your presence. Stooopid, seriously.

Double Your Pleasure, Double The Fun

Thursday night is going to be interesting to say the least, veeeeery least.

I have somehow found myself in a position of having 2 pseudo dates scheduled for tomorrow night.

Date #1: 5:00pm coffee with a Kindergarten teacher. I have pre-disqualified him as a potential suitor mainly because over IM his inevitable push-over true colors tendencies began shining through. I am giving him one shot though, one of these days a one of these lame duck dudes will prove me wrong...

Date #2: A Midnight DVD release party of Jello/mud wrestling being shown exclusively at Mercury with the hairdresser and his punky cool co-workers.

Now you tell me which one I am going to have more fun at....

The Answers

Three Truths and a Lie:

1) True. I will not say publically who this Rocker is for a variety of good reasons, but mainly because I enjoy her music and that would therefore be disrespectful of me (see, I can be respectful at times..). Plus, I am not so sure her husband knew about her boyfriend anyway... It should also be noted for you curious types, I never actually dated the dude who broke up with the Rock Star and didn't even kiss him until years after this revelation. And no jerks, I did NOT steal her BF, not even close.

2) True. The original artist has recorded it, the major record studio now owns it, but they haven't re-released it main stream.....yet.

3) True. Most people know that I am German and Irish, but everyone forgets that I am English too. My aunt subscribed to some expensive genealogy thing and after plunking in names and DOBs it was revealed that we are related to the WWII British PM. Fan-freaking-tastic, right?

4) False. I have never been a private shopper and I don't know any Governor's wives, though my dad is pals with a former Gov.